roar, roar, roaring the boat

turning green

2011-06-25T00:04:00.002+08:00

ok, I'm limiting this for 15 minutes.

heck, i'm turning green. wanna know why, because it feels like shit. damn pengampu.

let's start. well, for a start i felt like everyone is wrong. wverything that is being presented in the meeting justnow was like perasan bagus. as i felt like no one except me who throughly refer to books. and i felt like betrayed as the other members follow what was being suggested blindly - membabi buta because to please the supervisory team. even when they were suggested 'm.y' sound 'mai' instead of 'mi'. if its english then you probably not membabi buta but haven't you guys consider it might just be not english. say its malay where it should sound 'mi' rather than 'mai'.

then i have this one who appear to have solved my proposal. saying shit that what has been done could improve my initial design. heck. read the book first, and because those bosses knew nothing except feel like it was good, none was being revised and everyhitng was being accepted bulat2. damn shit.

as for me, i felt like i'm doing some shit for the meeting as i have to reserve those killer points in order to camouflage what i have. heck. this tires me to boredom. damn damn damn.

ok. 15 minutes is up! shit

turning back to blog

2011-03-10T01:25:00.002+08:00

yes as the title goes, after all the facebooks and tweeter, i'm choosing to return to the old school blog. sort of feeling pissed off but cool at the same time. hot and cold, in and out. yes maybe katy perry has a point there. but alas from a 'far field' point of view i should say it's more cool than pissed off.

as long as i lay my faith that ultimately this knowledge belongs to The Al-Mighty, i seems to have a 'cooler' blast.

i pissed off. why? because i felt like this all thing had hold me back. or is it because i got caught in those cynical words. oops maybe i shoulod write in Malay then. well, to avoid being 'known', to remain disguised. but, as what J-lo says spanish is the langusge of love, and i'm saying that eglish is the language of pissed off. heh.

genuinely, i make a move to solve things but again, there's 'a' reputation on stake. and yes, i deserve those cynical words, as what had happend did tarnish the reputation. and at least, professionalism is the rule that he played.
i'm pissed off because his words were pointing at me but his eyes says differently.
well, or am i pissed off that he play it profesionally. but, as good as it sounds, having it written all over my long left blog, i think i was pissed off. and the piss is getting dried.

anyway, i'm changing those skins as i felt like those building on upper corner left sort of says where I'm now (out of sudden I is capital here hehe)

this is a beautiful country, I admid however, it's incomparable with Malaysia. as much as I love the snow here, I also missed the scroaching sun. you bet yep the scroacing sun, because the transition works awesome with such amount of UV lights.

Qas Jrs. are doing fine, so does Mr. Qas. Praise to Allah. the is the most important milestone throghout this training time. because as long as they are doing fine, I can spare some 'pissed' moments in my routine day life.

Diyana chan, believe me you're the first to read this post as I'm going to email you now. Thanks for those lovely advice and knd words. when things 'shit'ted last monday, all that came cross my mind is to have your say (no that those 'shit' has something to do with you - don't get me wrong here hehe, it's simply I felt you're more than anyone who know my very situation now. thanks again dude)

Kenduri Raya

2009-09-26T19:18:00.002+08:00

Alhamdullilah.

it was a small gathering, nevertheless it met the relatives-reunion goal in Penang.

since staying in Pahang, 1st syawal is never in penang. but dis year, the plan changed. 1st syawal is still away from penang but, the gathering is shifterd to 7th syawal.

selamat hari rrrraya!!.

selamat hari raya

2009-09-18T10:28:00.002+08:00

esok is the last day of ramadhan. 1430.

k dilla, een, diana, azanie, aznor, k gazi, nora,

i'm in a library nearby hehe to get a free internet access. in the computer lab, which is airing raya songs.

kehidupan manusia indah kerana ketidakpastiannya. ketidakpastian itu membawa kepada satu pertaruhan yang acapkali ada risiko. tanpa risiko tiada ketidakpastian dan tanpa ketidakpastian, ia bukanlah hakiki kehidupan manusia itu.

banyak2 lagu hehe aku tak tahan nih lagu ala~ nasyid dulu2 nasyid raya uh. uh. apaaara banyak lagu raya bes2 pi pasang lagu raya yg tak umph.

selamat hari raya. i'll be in penang somewhere during 6th syawal. will be having a kenduri on 7th. aznor, azanie kaalu free mai la. aku reserve kek kat hangpa.k dilla, een, k gazi, nora, diana, by any chance kalau happen to be area2 sini cakap kat aku, nak bg direction mai ke rumah di kulim ni. hehe

secara langsung aku ada buat dosa. hehe paling tidak dari mulut yang masih sukar untuk dikawal supaya mengikut 'pace' akal yang berfikir tentang dosa/pahala. oleh itu,
aku mohon maaf atas segala kesalahan yg disedari mahupun tanpa disedari. kerana aku juga takut andaikata ketidakpastian dalam kehidupan manusia ini berakhir tanpa sempat memohon maaf. for what it's worth, it a blessed to be friend to you guys.

salam aidilfitri!

Happy belated birthday

2009-09-04T14:17:00.002+08:00

to a best friend of mine... happy belated birthday, 3.9.2009.

thinking of posting it rather than sms. as sms is limited in terms of space and time. hehe.

I've known dis birthday girl nearly umm... (+- informal, kebetulan, ..) nearly 20 years jugakla.

it was during our tertiary studies we've become close. and yep, i believe it last till today. as she's the one i call d moment yas fell from bed ( uh cuai gila aku heh) recently. luckily yas is ok with no injuries Alhamdullilah.

being her friend, or having her as a best friend was a great experience. i believe lots of what i'm today is a reflection of what i saw or learn from her.

ah ada meeting eac cipan. tak dan habih.

to my best friend out there, sometimes things is just don't happen d way it should. but always remember (a reminder to myself as well).. Allah knows the best.

let time be the cure. as it's the best medcine afterall.

at dis moment ada 4 ym ajak aku pi eac.
aku choew dulu.

happy birthday!

Peluang

2009-09-04T14:13:00.002+08:00

Peluang.

Peluang.

Peluang.

moving

2009-08-19T15:52:00.002+08:00

wow. it had been a while eh. since the last blog.

naik bersawang.

anyway, congratulations to k.dilla on her third pregnancy. glad to hear she's recovering from d morning sickness. hope it'll get better and better sooner.

I've moved to d newly developed main campus. which happen to be somewhere in the far far away land. and i've decided to stay in d same residential house. which is about an hour from my new work place. but maintain a 2 hour distance from my hubby's. if i were to move to a location nearer to d office, it will lear to a further location from my hubby's.

talking about moving..

i first heard the news on dis moving-to-d-main-campus thinggy somewhere in january 2009. ahh d news broke my heart as i couldn't imagine on how to commute 2 hour daily (return trip). which eventually had motivated me to choose an option of preparing for my study leave.

being a student again. uh.

well, afterall all my years i was a student. 3/4 of my entire life is dedicated to becoming a student. and of all the years, my uni years has influenced me most. well, perhaps i say so as that's d list time i was a student kot.
student life is nice but there's this 'uncertainity' in dis phase of life. and after 'moving' out from my postgraduate era, i couldn't imagine on returning to d phase again. d uncertainity is an emotional, unstable, fluctuating phase.

and being a student again is a must i guess. pursuing dis career requires me to do so. and if not now, later. and eventually, the time will arrive.

thus, during my hiatus, i was away preparing for stuff required by the study leave comitee. next agenda is to attend btn somewhere in november.

moving. does moving brings d same meaning as hijrah? moving is a hijrah.

in life, we need to hijrah. umpama berhijrah ke opis baru. after nealy 2 months being in d new office, i kinda enjoy d life there. maybe the setup kot. something like d newly

stupid! hehe aku blog dari dewan kuliah. cipan. dia pi display semua benda kat blog tadi cipan. cipan.

selamat kan dunia..

2009-07-10T08:45:00.002+08:00

on my way to work dis morning, the radio station played MJ's save the world song. gee, i never thought dat i would as well feel his abscent. hehe. upon hearing dat he's a muslim (only after his death news), i kinda feel sad. but then, e channel 712 kept playing THS MJ-recalling all his past, the child molest accusation, the never-neverland story and ect. the sadness had changed to an ambagious faith on him. anyway, the song was played as a soundtrack for save gaza mission.

talking about gaza, thousands of pictures were conveyed through emails, websites and television. it's brutal. those little kids, infants, babies were suffering on matters that they themselves might not even understand.

i remembered an interview with a boy by a tv channel. he was injured on the face and lost his brothers in the bombing incident.

interviewer: are you affraid with them
boy: la', (translated to malay) cukuplah Allah sebagai pelindung.

it brought me to tears. even when posting today's edition.

Cukuplah Allah sebagai pelindung. and he's saying dis with injuries on his face and with brothers who had passed away in the

strike

2009-06-16T12:57:00.002+08:00

lightning never strike twice...

heh who says? well, lightning always strikes more than one. literally.

if it does, more than one, then it's normal. but it if does happen once, then you're damn lucky to grab it but you'll be damn super damn unlucky to missed it.

alhamdullilah, i've had several ocassions with once strike and frequent occasion more than one strike. apa2 pun, all those stikes are a hostory now. uh how i wish i could practic - history.
I've this habit of liking to remember events. erm sort of like to count them. cthnya- hmm hari ni minggu lepas, i' got to play. jam nih minggu lepas, i'm being pulled off from the game. tika ni minggu lepas .. .. it all kept playing in my mind. heh i never got tired la pulak. well, i did't notice it until my sister summarize it to me. heh.

anyway, back to the strike. lucky strike. hehe now it make sense why the product sort of excell in their bussiness. lucky, lucky strike.

went to d clinic. to weigh me-after-1-week-holiday. hehe, the nurse pass by noticed and approach, " rasanya minggu lepas baru je timbang kan" haha nilah syndrom every grams counts. heh tahik... kan hehe
stagnant.

petang ni resume vball training. well, after the not-so-well posmoterm, i've decided to continue playing. even my chances are low to be in the spot. i've decided to get this free training, simply by shutting, filtering those annoying sounds. heh.

yas, getting better from campak. sya will be home dis evening. bestnya.

off to Bukit Payong

2009-06-04T08:25:00.001+08:00

will be having a meeting with enC and later off to terengganu..

cek mek molek

2009-06-02T13:11:00.002+08:00

i was supposed to withdraw, but later for the love of the game + everything seems to be in place smoothly, the plan changed. hehe for the love of the game <- ok janji, last time mention (hehe boleh jadi jemu dan muak ek baca banyak2 kali hahahaah)

anyway,
time.

last sunday, it seems that i loose control on my temper. my inner temper. and seriously, inner temper is a big deal. for me. as i will always end up crying. the good side is that, the temper doen't creep to others. and yep, i regret. totally regret and made a promise to look in my hand everytime this happens. to remind on such split seconds i could forget, who, where, why, how things happen. i've been bestowed with a believe that responds is ones decision. i really does. and yep not every propaganda / belief is well accepted by individual.

dis posting is dedicated to me. a reminder on how time flies by. adhoc is a time 'test-run'. how quick (another time based event) a person can click into her right axis is a skill that i'm developing. later, 2-3-4-5 years from now, i hope i can smile reading this entry. i hope i passed this test-run insyaAllah.

motivation, a non-time based event however has an implicir factor to time. these 2-3 days, i had no motivation to work. hehe as i'm pretty much in love with the game. for the love of the game - opppssss. another time hehe.

yas giggles a lot lately. sya sings mdaud kilau "senyumlah..senyumlah..senyumlah ahai cek mek molek" - hehe geram macam nak gigit dia hahahaha

confidence

2009-05-26T15:06:00.003+08:00

confidence is a level of integrity. is it? yeah, gee i hope so.

why there is uncertainty opinion on this matter? Well, it's because some people can just display a superb rank of confident level despite a whole massive chios arround them.

well, does entry has anything to do with volleyball again? nope. btw a lil' update. hehe finally, i manage to squeeze in top 9. which means i'm an active reserved. which means i'll be included in the player rotation. which means i'll get to play in the match soon.
does it really matters to play or not to play? afterall it's just a game. bukan peringkat kebangsaan pun... well, eventually, for me it matters as i have a plan for it. aku nak ajar sikit... hehe ajar apa? tunggu for the next post.

anyway, back to the theme for today, confidence.

how well one express his confident level is pretty much depend on his past life. and how much one can perceive others confidence is very much depend on his faith. faith towards the matter as well as faith towards the person. that explains why the more 'alim' a person is the more cautious he'll be on his actions and words. there'll be toughts before any action taken / given.

what will my confident level be?

has yet to be known.

pill

2009-05-20T08:20:00.002+08:00

when starting the day with blogging, it remarks only 2 things; either it's something very fresh, bright, moment or it's a hectic, bad dream.

in my case, today its both.

yes, i skipped vball training. quite a number of time, as i felt, being an abscent reserved player doesn't really much effect the team. and i have reasons for not coming, a professional one for sure hehe such as outstation and extra lecture.
yesterday, i got to play. reserved against 1st 6. yeah and they lead 20-4.

"...kalau agak tak boleh serve atas, serve je bawah.."
"... cuba latih betul2.... you dah la byk kali x turun..."
".. kalau dah bersuara tu amek la bola...."
".. kalau tak nak ambik, jangan tunjuk body language yg nak ambik bola..."
".. kita kalau reserved pun, kena berlatih sebab sayang la kalau tak boleh ambil bola.."

hehe (i did some touch-up on the sentence but on a whole, i knew she meant like what is being posted above)

well, being susan (desprete housewife test on facebook-mark me as susan character heh), of course ada la terkecil hati. hehe rasa macam nak kuar. but yeah it's improfessional. and this is where sportmanship play its role. and yeah, criticism is a must in order to improve. <- me being positive on her remark.

tapi masuk game ke 2 hehe tak tahan, i responded.
"... kalau tak cuba macam mana nak ambil.." sebab, she make this very annoying judgement on every failure attempt i did. it does increases pressure on me heh.
then later i realize, it's useless to respond on her remarks. afterall it's just a game. so, i filtered out her pesky intonation and did consume her "advice". and everytime she made mistake i just make a formal cheering tagline and say "... good try.." - pada mulut BUT "....piiirah..." dalam hati heheh.
and a big PIIIIIIIIRAH hehehe.
itu lumrah permainan. lumrah kehidupan.

everyday, there will be things that you like as well as dislike come across your life. you can choose how to respond to the matter. as for yesterday, the cure is the tagline, "... good try.." - pada mulut BUT "....piiirah..." dalam hati heheh and blogging on this matter does ease me.

play for the love of the game. other than that ... piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirah.

ego

2009-05-15T12:35:00.002+08:00

is it me? or it's just simply human.

friends out there, do give me advice. i really need one or perhaps more hehe.

well, 3 months ago i played vball representing my department. it was nice, well, not only does we win but also satisfying as i could play in all of the games. it kinda reminded me with my team in secondary school. gee, at dat time, i wasn't even the top 6 player pun. simpanan macam sekarang. hehe.

back in the old school days, being a sparing member in any sports is kinda satisfying for me. gee, i know that i didn't measure up to the rest of the team as can't really spike eventhough i can consistently serve and digging well. at dat time, 5-6pm is a time to play. yep even in exam week, at 5-6pm, i'll be in the court. i did that all throughout my 5 years in school. hasilnya, well i manage to represnt my school 3 times. and yep as a reserve player. cumanya in the last year, i had a conversation with mak, stating my disapointment ofnot being able to be in the first 6. and her reaction is cool, urging me to play because of the love, passionate for the game. and she did get me to love sports. and since then, not only vball, i love swimming and netball aswell.

and 3 months ago, i got to play vball after for nearly 3 year hiatus of any sports. hehe why such a hiatus, kata love for sports hehe. well, it took me 3 years to adjust hehe to the life i'm leading now. alhamdullilah.
i and impress and proud with k dilla. hehe i rembered reading her blog on playing nball while her 2nd child was only a couple of months. syok bila baca sorang hafiz jaga sorang ikut dia. i like to see children in fields.
hehe when i brought sya to the field, it's like an ocean for her. wide, mammoth space to run, jump, juggle the ball. yas, in the kangaroo bag. hehe.

after the inter department match, i kinda fell the rush and love for sports again. hehe, bukan itu sahaja, its like everyone noticed me. hehe well, maybe perasan gakla kot haha. takpe la sesekali nak perasan. hehe, from the library front desk lady to the dean (dean nih for sure. masakan tak kenal anak buah sendiri hahahah) noticed me in the court.

anyway, i has been called to be a 'sparing' member for the team in a bogger league. well, again, the love for the sport. i agreed.

but, after a while. gee, after a while, being sitted on the bench, the love kinda fading. hehe talked to abahQas, and his reponds were simple, "when you're the player, absorbed the cheer from the backbenchers and when you're the backbenchers, cheer la for the player!" ah, aku tak buleh. hehe and it always ended up me walking away from the court, heading back to home. bukan merajuk hehe sebab esok nya turun balik main bersama2. and after 2 months of training, yesterday, the scene was sstill da same.... sharp at 6.30, (2 half game), i turn on the engine, drove back home, play with yas.

sounds sellfish huh.

Mother's day

2009-05-12T16:24:00.003+08:00

Alhamdullilah for this oppurtunity.

Thanks to AbahQas for carrying out your job successfully.

Thanks to MakTok, Opah, TokBa, Acu, Mammi, Arwah Tok for making this a reality.

Thanks.

circle

2009-05-05T11:35:00.002+08:00

recently, freinds from my primary and secondary school added me as theor friend list in friendster. gee, its good to be added. yep, moreover being invited by those whom I bet don't really know who I was in school but added me as being proposed by freindster. heh kinda being in a low profile state here ;p.

anyway, in this final-exam-marking chaotic week, this circle had succesfully pulled my attention for about 1 hour! damn 1 hour heh.
there was this little moment of history glimpse happened. uh. this kinda little feeling of wanting to meet them and update me. hehe. gee. yeah updating me in that circle.

freinds made backgrounds setup in each of us. and what mould me today is on how i responded to those backgrounds. there were sweet, sour, fun, anxious moments. it wasn't a 'makeover' as this process evolved slowly. time consuming.

wandering in this issue does made me worry for sya and yas. how will they respond to situations which i will never ever could control. and again, worrying on things beyond one's control is a wasting of time.

PadaMu ya Allah ku mohon petunjuk dan perlindungan. Amin.

ko-do-mo lion

2009-04-23T14:46:00.000+08:00

my two buddies

2009-04-13T13:14:00.001+08:00

ambush

2009-04-06T16:15:00.002+08:00

As I was nursing Yas yesterday, Sya run across the living hall. She went in the toilet. Afraid if she falls onto the slippery floor, i ran towards the toilet. and to my suprise, hehe she was washing herself after finishing her nature calls. I'm currently toilet-train her. Yep, there are few occasions jugakla yang banjir, but when she manage to sort of 'urus'kan herself while being 'conscious' (sebab kaalu tidur, lain cerita - pampers penyelamat banjir hehe.) i began to relize how fast time pases by. dah besar rupanya sya ummi nih.

As for yas pulak, while i'm attempting his sister, he loud for assistance hahah... yas's is starting to crawl. i accidently place her on the mattress near the wardrobe. of course tersangkut. hehe.
yng tak best untuk yas is dat, this morning as i went to do some 'ambush' at the taska, he was left crying. I later picked him up, and nurse him. imagine la, until 10.30 am dis mornig, none of EBM i packed for him is used.
yas dibiarkan berlapar. tahik. tahik.
i later 'plead' those sisters to feed him according to schedule. geram aku. i plan to 'warn' them but then i remember my cousin (who once worked with a nursery) advice, to be nice as an unhappy-caretaker might later on caused Yas a bad day -> taik!

State of mind

2009-04-01T14:49:00.001+08:00

I'm off to KL.

Physically tomorrow, mentally today! heh

right and wrong

2009-03-26T12:52:00.003+08:00

hehe aku blog sebab kat blog een ada special tag on affiliates last blog. hehe surely mine was far behind sebab lama tak update hahaah.

i involved in accident. 2 days ago.

pretty harsh la as my kelisa need to be towed. front bumper, mudguard, radiator tank, aircond tank and kangaroo bar dashed within split second. heh.

incident took place nearby d post guard. yg bestnya, immediately after 'bang' i was shocked and the guards approach. bukannya nak tanya cik ok ke... yg dia kata, takpe2 kita ada cc tv, kita asa cctv. hehe yea la in a sense after an accident, after a while, after talking with those who supports us, we tend to argue. hehe argue on whose fault that caused such an accident. argue on who's driving reclessly and who's the victim of all.

made police report since d kelisa will take an amount to get fixed. and was latter summoned. hehe i got summoned, the 'sarjan hassan' did his scene investigation and ruled out that the brown kelissa was in a wong place, at a wrong time. hehe. thousands appology to the victim. serius, i mean it. hehe the victim pulak is my neighbour back at home. itulah yg dinamakan takdir.

right time, right person, right place ........ (1)

wrong time, wrong person, wrong place...... (2)

our life juggles between those two. and sometimes you just have to let it go. otherwise, tensions, stress will crawl in. now, i have this problem. yes, i do.

i have this habit of re-evaluating incidents in my life. abahqas highlighted this. and what made him a happy-go-lucky kinda person is his ability to letgo the (2) and work out to get (1). he said that'll reduce lot's of dosa sampingan due to luahan rasa (in other word -mengumpat) hehe.

hehe well, being a woman, i wouldn't deny, telling others/sharing woth others does release my tension. heh. it has a healing effect. ha betul, bercerita, meluahkan perasaan is such a 'lega' - apa ek in english?

anyway, back to the accident. personally, d accident taught me a couple of lesons...

1. always wear seat belt. (i drove only ~20-30km/h but i nearly hit d front glass. it i were to drive d usual speed i used to drive in campus, hehe alamat ada chance hitting the glass)

2. always look on ur right and left before entering any junction.

3. always complete your daily prayer b4 any othr urusan (dat incident caused me to wait for the tow truck ect... masa. masa. masa burned begitu saja)

4. always smile. hahaha, sebab smile nih, the procedure at traffic police became shortened hehe. betul. smile had as well set a confidence level on others. hehehe.
seriusly, paling takut bila accident nih is takut to tell my father. hehe well, as i called him (in penang) i was smiling, and it made me cool. kenapa aku takut ayah is because, it is his car heheeheh.

alhamdullilah, all gone well, kelisa is in bengkel getting fixed. cipan, 3 weeks time till i meet my bunny, milo kelisa again.

btw, een, camna ko tag blog tu ek ... cam best la... serius

the big O

2009-03-17T17:00:00.001+08:00

i wouldn't take NO for d answer.

at least for now.

Masa

2009-03-03T08:34:00.001+08:00

Tiada apa yang hakiki di dunia ini melainkan Allah.

For what it's worth, I adore you. We adore you.

Jazakallahu Khoiron.

I should have...

2009-02-26T11:13:00.002+08:00

Yas is sick. he's caughing badly yesterday. however, today, she looks fine. alhamdullilah. hopefully he'll recover as soon as possible. whenever yas or sya or abahQas is sick, there's this little notion which keep wishpering me that i should have taken nursing and become a nurse instead. as i saw nurses confidently adiveces us the non-nurse-mom on how to care for you babies. hehe..

it goes da same when i send sya to her skool hehe sya called her taska as skool, his uncle's college as skool as well as my office s skool. hehe apa yg ada kaitan dengan segerombolan penuntut, it's skool. and when i see her teachers teach/conduct activities, the same notion repeats but with different tagline, uh i should have taken child education and became a taska manager instead.

it goes da same when we went out for a family dinner. dining in a casual restaurant but with great dishes. I'll be telling myself that I should have taken cooking school and become a chef or a baker instead.

when i'm on board, flying from penang to kuantan, nasib baik no notion of becoming a flight attendance heh.

anyway, this brings in a significant question of "who are you". i remembered reading an article about "who are you". if i'm not mistaken, correct me if i do hehe (cliche baru utk mengelakkan tin kosong) hehe, it was aristotle. whenever he meet someone, instead of asking what's the person's name was, he asked who the person was. this does irritiate some of his collegues and if i were to do da same thing, posing "who are you" to people around me, people whom i'm familiar with will cause a chaotic emotions as some might take it as a joke while some might get emotional with it. but this brings to a new perspective of life. yes, it does.

we can be what we want to be and we can be good at it. yes, it takes 'experience' but being 'young' in certain situations doesn't mean we can't. of course to tacle the experience, we need an active or mabe hyper active 'young'.

ok back to.. I should have become a nurse, manager, chef, baker or a cute, adorable taska teacher hehe... it's a daily rutine of a mother kan. hehe. we might no be as good as misi klinik desa hehehe or may as well not be as good as chef liza, and maybe not as good as eden bakery's baker... but we can be 'them' or DO the best of becoming them.

sebut pasal eden, uh i missed their icing cake. uh sedap2 ...

tin kosong

2009-02-24T09:27:00.003+08:00

at this stage of life, a worse thing could happen to someone is 'tin kosong'.

'tin kosong', a malay famous phrase for those who speaks louder than action. being articulate is good. well, you kinda have the gift of describing things, event, feeling meticulously. and yep, it surely does captivate those listeners. however, it could turn ugly when later being discovered it's just words, words in the air.

sometimes, i do feel like owning a 'tin kosong'. and realizing that, i wanna change. no more 'tin kosong'. silence is heaven. silence in robin hood. silence is sacrifice. silence will never be a forfeit. but silence come with a price.

50 cent for sardine, $2 for tuna and $5 for ghee. make your choice!

gigit

2009-02-16T14:40:00.002+08:00

I missed sya already hehe.

well last week, my mom was around. So did sya and yas. so, sharp at 6 went to the volleyball court and later aroud 7 was will them. and sya really has grown. hehe she has these soft touch that keep you entertain no matter when, what and how.
Sya likes to play around. apart from menyakat her little bro, she likes to sepak bola.hehe. now, she can kick the ball while on the move. ~ala2 playing futsal gitu. hehe.

and last week was voleyball inter faculty tournament. we won. well the finals was last thrusday. it was pretty much an easy play as majority of da participants were fullfiling sportmanship spirit. hehe even the empayar ignore rules, as long as the ball is being hit within the court, the game is on. heh.
and everyday last week, there will be this little voice echoing this little girl who's running excitedly to greet me. ummi ummi....... and dis morning sya followed abahQas to opah's. arrgggghh i missed you uh

as for yas, he has developed his motor skills. well, start to develop his little fingers. i noticed his little cute finggers 'squeeezing' here and there while breastfeeding (macam nak gigit2 je.. no wonder sya gigit yas index fingers last week-aku pun geram tgk, inikan pulak kakak dia... hehe. yas masa tu nangis kuat gila. sakit. hehe nak marah sya, she innnocently kissed her bro's forehead lepas tu.. terus aku tak jadi marah... pujuk yas then.. uh uh uh)

well...i obviously don't want to reinvent the wheel. but in order to make a car, studying the wheen won't harm. yep won't harm anyone. wek!

cukop bagus

2009-02-03T08:44:00.003+08:00

last night, 8tv advertised its coming season 3 ugly betty and season 5 DW. heh 'cukop bagus'. they'll be on air next tuesday. hehe and my tuesday night is booked again. this means today's GGirls is the season 8 finale. hmm.. cepatnya masa berlalu.

currently i'm sitting in the lab. blogging in S&S lab.

yas seems to finish 5 bottles of EBM since yesterday. Kinda worried if the EBM stock could last to his demands. the target is 2 years of course, however, able to exclusively BF him for 6 months is considered 'cukop bagus'. hehe takut jumla pengeuaran tak seimbang dengan jumlah permintaan hehe.

tomorrow, there will be a v.ball match between my department and the finiancial department. hehe went for the training yesterday. wa... kinda missed husna, pijah - sparing partner in v. ball. hehe v ball pun ada sparing partner. kinda made a record with husna, 20 minutes of non-stop-duo-digging. it difficult since then to find a gue. yep to sustain even a minute need someone who can cover as well understand you as a player really well. and yesterday, 15 seconds of digging dikira 'cukop bagus'.

paling

2009-01-29T15:54:00.002+08:00

it's an honour to be 'paling', i would say that it's what human looks for.
perhaps maybe it's fitrah. maybe not, as there are situations where we let other's be 'paling'.
be it a positive or negative 'paling', it'll alwys be something that human proud of.

'paling' comel.
'paling' terrer.
'paling' jahat.
'paling' kejam.

anyway,

the past 2 days of working were dedicated to internet browsing. found la beberapa interesting, motivating, demotivating sites. it's funny kan, when dis small 14" screen could sway your mood here and there.
i was motivated dis morning. but turn to the evening, i got demotivated. tahiik. tahik. hehe baik aku cuti je kan. hehehe.
tapi baik juga i come to work. at least, i get a reply. well 'a' is better than n0ne kan.

apa2 pun. 'pencarian' is something need to be earned, not given. you have to earn this status - 'paling terrer mencari di internet'. heh

afterall people take years doing 'soul searching'.

gtg, aku lapar.

sahaja aku....

2009-01-22T16:30:00.002+08:00

Finally the internet is on its track. I've just submitted a proposal on allowing me to do something - which seems has da potential of placing me at a place a degree less than others. well, a degree less than other's other. heh ayat tahik heh.

anyway, went to get a spa for my kelisa. hehe almaklumla musom spa-Q nih. it had been a while since my last visit at d mechanic. kelisa was fine, it's just getting him some tyre-do, polishing his teeth (rim) and do some body scrubbing (car wash) heh. yep i went during office hour. hehe well, i took time off.
before engaging the service to kelisa, i negotiated on the price. the discount wasn't big but ok la ada turun 2-3 ringgit, i hand over kelisa's key. i later approach the book rack and grab a 2004 cleo with sofea jane in the front page.

read about her. she says dat, being a mom is her full time job, while acting is her part time. telling about her daily schedule, how she prepare meals for her 3 princess, how she run errands.
how lucky she was. she reminds me to a tv talk show on "surirumah @ bekerja - anda tentukan".
in a glance, yes its true. if i didn't work, i won't be starving, i won't be homeless, and i won't be jobless. jobless in da sense dat a surirumah has a lot to be done. can be done. mcm seronok, yeah dapat tgk anak dpn mata, masak untuk laki.
putting some thought in it.. i do need to work for the work i'm doing now suits me a lot, and most importantly, suits him as well. he always tell me that, being in a job (whatever job it is, as long as it's halal) will always contribute to something. and that contribution with a proper niat is as well membangunkan ummah. afterall there's a term of 'fardhu kifayah'.

this chicken and egg question will never ends.

ask a happy housewife (yg redha dengan keadaan dia), she'll say dat being home, cook, breed, raise children is ideal.. ask another unhappy one, she'll see kwsp, pencen, work life is something she missed in life.
ask a happy career lady, she'll say dis is an ideal job. fits my life, career path is bright, i'm d iron super lady... ask an unhappy one she'll regret accepting the offer to work there, it's a wrong move to be in d company ....

and that all leads to something which islam has long all this while - inna mal a'amalu binniat.

'nawaitu' makes the difference.

C

2009-01-15T16:29:00.001+08:00

dah ada chatter box baru.. mehla posting...

m

2009-01-15T16:06:00.002+08:00

erin is moving. yep, she's moving to another faculty. and her room now is empty. her room, which is beside mine, is much bigger. thus i 'choop' her room, but later changed my mind. well, kinda having sentimental feeling into dis current room.

anyway, BM seems to slow down. in a normal day, one session i could collect until 5 oz, but today, getting 3 oz pun dah kira cukop bagus. is it d food or tireness or hormons or maybe it's a sign a sign of decreasing supply. thus, went to yas to BF him. chatting with other parents. well, remembered da first time experiencing thos mak-mak-taska chatting. it's like a club. yep, something like PIBG. tapi yang kurangnya ialah the G.

abahQas is 30 today. ordered a chocolate moist cake. hoping to get him a SR cheese cake but have to postphone to another day. this is why i like penang. in penang, everything is within 30 minutes drive. sini, I need 1 hour to reach the nearest SR. hehe.

"30 is a cute number" - is suppposed to be written on d chocolate moist cake. why is it cute? why wouldn't it be "just" / "big" / "wonderful" / "huge"? hmm mm mm

X

2009-01-13T16:43:00.003+08:00

i'm not sure weather i'm obssessed or, it's just plain me. worries over everything. hehe
well, my 2nd pregnancy brought me into my 90's. hehe what i mean was 90++ kg. to be exact, 2 days before deliver, i was 94 kg. after my confinement periode i manage to be at ~72kg. last week, i was 66 kg. hehe. back to the weight i was masa mula2 kawen dulu.

so roughly, 3 months ago, i was 28 kg the weight i'm now. hmm. diet. hmm i'm on diet. not really. but i'm kinda watching out what i eat. sometimes i do feel tired. not that i'm loosing energy, it's tired of being cautious. cautious on oils, cholestrol, sugar. i remembered being in dis situation during my postgrad studies. dat time, it was an intense strict diet. i avoided carb for almost 6 months. all i had during day was fruits and vegetabled in night. i do get cheese, carb but it will only be after an excessive aerobic/jog/swimming. i rembered having pao kaya at 10 am an in the afternoon went for swim (U$m lifeguard course). swim 10 laps if 25m pool in 1 hour. and all i had was only that 10 am kaya pao. balik, mak masak suh makan, tak nak, sebab it was nasi paprik -carb+oily protein. i end up crunching 2 bijik apply. green apple.
my mom noticed and ask me to join her diet clinic. guess what. the dr ask me to redefine my goal, as she 'diagnosed' me as having da potential of anneroxia. i later switch to normal eating. and gained a few pounds.

now, i have everything in my daily diet. calcium suppliment, bread, rice, protein and fruits and vege. but i keep being cautious on oil, sugar and cholestrol. dat diet remedy works as i'm now 66 kg. not an ideal bmi but its in the range of average weight. before this it was overweight.

'watching' is very tiring. it's like the opposit of farting. you'll feel ease upon releasing
sya call. sambung later

Q

2009-01-09T14:15:00.002+08:00

Plenty of things are queing up to deal with. but non were in progress today. yep. that's the power of MOOD.

as usual, wakes up around 5 to express BM stock. during q-sya time, it was even harder. alarm clock were set at 3am and 5am, as a reminder to increase the expressing time. yet, the stocks gathered could only last for 6 months. each session, only 1-1.5 oz were collected. with the help of FM, i manage to maintain bm q-sya until q-yas was born. hehe macam bagus je q- kat depan tu. nothing to do with spa-q btw.

alhamdullilah, as for yas, i started to 'building' up stocks hehe since he was 4 weeks old. and if everything is like it is now, i'm hoping to exclusively BF him until his 24 month. thanks to dilla and k. ghazi for those usefull tips.

send sya to nursery. well, she's with abahQas most of the week. abahQas is running a bussiness somewhere 2 hours from here. and distance make us 'delegate' yas with me and sya with him. dat's seems to be the best solution for now. abhQas will come every thrusday and da 4 of us will go to opah's on friday until monday. so, every monday and friday, i sent sya to nursery, hoping her to mingle around. she was ok last friday but last monday, she cried upon seeing me. this morning, it seems positive hehe but i'm excited to know how's she doing later. going to fetch her around 5.

'furthering my study' is about to come. still, no progress on which area to venture in. abahQas hs been very supportive and constantly remind me to tawakkal. wallhu'alam.

since yas come into life, sya seems a lil' matured. hehe all this while she was the tiny little one. but now, her protective character seems to blossom hehe. yep, in his early days, yas seems to be a rival for sya. hehe peak was during BF. hehe for sya, she owns the 'supply' so having someone depending on the same source, blows a little jelousy into sya. frankly, i was neither happy nor ok nor amused (hehe waktu dalam pantang kecelruan perasaan happens. heh most of da time pulak tu). but alhamdullilah, as day passes by, sya and yas seems to be closer.
ha, first day in the nursery, sya neglected other children and wanted to watch for yas (hehe abahQas pujuk her to stay in the nursery as she refuses pada mulanya. he said to sya dat sya need to be there to look after yas) serius, memang dia dok kat seblah yas. hehe yg bestnya, upon fetching them, sya was sleeping on yas's mattress, while yas was on the caretaker's lap. hehe comel. geram. hehe SYOK.

it seems like raining. rain. there's a lesson about rain. as rain make us boundaries. we need boundaries. as boundaries make us realize that we're only human. hamba pada-Nya.

till then,
happy birthday to diana. missed you.
to dilla, aku lapar gila kropok lekor losong
prosperous burger to een.
a delightful ikan haruan sup / bakar to aznor (dalam pantang.. tu je protein nye)
slamat mengajar to k gazi
zinger tower to nura and not to forget
wonderful penang charkoeyteaw to azanie.

Tak kenal maka tak cinta

2009-01-06T09:51:00.001+08:00

i'm about to 'kenal' matlab.
baru. maseh baru.

Distant Faith

2008-11-24T13:11:00.002+08:00

It's a faith that require one's most ultimate motivation. Knowing that it's worth 'faith'-ing for.

Every human is so attached to Allah. For what his/her heart is beyond any other human's control. Yet, due to the hustle life, one can always be driven away. There is always a gap between a 'black' and 'white'. And some people believe that there's also grey. A situation where it very subtle to distinguish between black and white. However, human has the chioce. a chioce that is able to enlarge the black-white gap. And there will be also a chioce to bridge the black and white. yep bridge as in the noun as well as in the verb.

Sanity can sometimes been blurred and that's the time when 'doa' comes in hand. Iman, Yaqin, Tawwakal, Istiqamah.

InsyaAllah, it's the most deserving faith ever.

guilt confession

2008-11-20T13:43:00.002+08:00

carelessness
mumbling the trumbling

i couldn't help it. yes, it was my fault but mumbling around like you never done anything wrong i believe is as well not the right solution.

sometimes i adore him. he likes to mumble. yep, never stop. but when a situation happen, he will stop and until a solution, correction has been done he will 'resume' the mumbling. i prefer dat way heh. maybe i'm used to dat way kot.

it's crucial to keep in mind dat in any situation, solutions is what we seek for, not reasons to blame on others.

and as for me. i regret what had happen as it's me to be blamed for. yes, i'm careless. and due to my carelessness, someone might hurt. badly hurt. and from the bottom of my heart, i don't want this to happen.

i'm sorry.

Betty-problemmo

2008-11-04T17:07:00.003+08:00

Ugly betty episode 1 sesason 1 was on air yesterday. hmm the series will be on air every weekdays at 10 am. best. my tungku period seems to be 'lighten' a little heh.
anyhow, i was attracted to one of its catchy line.

it was about 'problem'.

one thing about the americans tv show / flims is that they never take small things for granted. it's all da small act that made up the show. moreover shows like U.B, D.H, CSI.

rata2 semua orang is talking about m3m3y and norm@n hehe sampaikan org2 lelaki kat rumah nih yg tak pernah amek tau pasal artis pun dok tercari2 mana 1 si mem3y nih hehehe. apa2 pun i'm kinda on @bby's site. and aku pasti ramai juga yg on her site.

siti nurhaliza once said,
jangan berumah di tepi pantai, ...kalau takut nak bermain ombak

it's true.

2008-10-30T18:46:00.000+08:00

aduh, nak entry but la ni time bertubgku la pulak..

Inna Lillah hi Wa Inna Ilai hirrji'uun

2008-10-25T13:18:00.002+08:00

my supervisor's wife passed away dis morning. 5 am.

Inna Lillah hi Wa Inna Ilai hirrji'uun..

1 week

2008-10-22T17:02:00.002+08:00

babyQas is 1 week today. still sleeping all day long, waking up all night.

office called.

it was supposed to be in 2011. but later was rescheduled to next year. with a lengthy discussion, i postphoned to 2010. well, not that i'm using my children as the excuse, it's just simply me. hehe i'm not ready. yet.
yup, i'm also aware that time is catching up. and i just wanna wait for the right time. timing matters. yep. it does.

contohnya, it's like eating about-to-ripe banana. even it has exceed the unripe phase, still chewing it wouldn't be as nice as the yellow-mellow-banana. maseh ada rasa kelat.

sebut pasal pisang. uh according to my MIL, i've to pantang from having banana for atleast a year. geee, i'm a big fan of banana. uh.

x-man

2008-10-20T12:16:00.002+08:00

just thinking about blogging after feeding babyQas2. babyQas1 is asleep.

but then, now, x-men 3 is on star movie. ah, have to go. will resume asap.

Sepasang

2008-10-19T17:04:00.002+08:00

sepasang mata
sepasang telinga
sepasang kaki
sepasang tangan

sepasang baju
sepasang seluar

sepasang kekasih
sepasang laki bini
sepasang anak

babyQas_2

2008-10-15T17:08:00.002+08:00

Alhamdullilah,

I've just gave birth 12:30 am this morning. After a couple of false alarm since last saturday, i was finally admitted to the hospital after maghrib yesterday. itupun after i was confident with the
5 minutes contraction. After jama' isyak into maghrib, abahQas rush to the nearest hospital.

there were 5 full-term-pregnant ladies including me waiting at the registration counter. then, araund 10 pm my water broke then, the pain began to intensify. hehe. abahQas was beside me throughout the labouring which ended at 12.30 am.

was discharged justnow. alhamdullilah.

Ramadhan 1429H

2008-09-25T08:12:00.002+08:00

It's ending.

As ususal, mood to raya was at its peak during childhood. and once entering adolescent era, the excitement seems a little less than it used to be before. however, as a new era is coming in, there's a lil' sad feeling upon celebrating raya. yep, there's a lil' 'sayu-ness' upon facing the fact that ramadhan itself is ending.

as ramadhan 1429 is ending, i'm kinda anxious. hehe sebab raya week will be my 37th week of pregnancy. I gave birth to my first child after carrying her for 38 weeks. ah tetiba macam takut nak bersalin. hehe. serious.

sometimes experience does jitter the confidence. hehe i remembered having my first 'solero' in genting together with azanie and een. the solero was on top of genting hill and our first ride was facing the clifts. ah and the adrenaline mounts as the bucket climbs, and as soon as the bucket descent, the adrenaline was gushing hastily all over my nerve. and i thought dat first one was the killer. thus, i took another ride on solero.
guest what.
the second was triple the excitement than the first. betoi. tak tipu. well, maybe there's a little element of hint on what's gonna happen and this hint seems to boil the adrenaline, predicting the suspense and poking the imigination to be a lil' creative. heh it seems to happen again with my 2nd beranak experience nih. hehe cuak. abahQas says i'm imagining too much, collecting everyone experience, compile and later simulate to be mine. hehe i'll be the 8th person here (office collegues) to give birth insyaalah.

Whatever it is, the day will come. Doakan agar semuanya selamat..

tagged

2008-09-15T07:15:00.002+08:00

hehe was tagged by azareen2.blogspot.com

hmm.. gonna tag this site pulak
1. rock
2.diana
3. fizah
4. norul
5. fadzilah

dah nisfu ramadhan. sekejap saja masa berlalu..

a child changes everything

2008-08-19T15:35:00.002+08:00

"i'm very commited in doing all my tasks"
"yeah, i'm willing to change everything.. dis is such once in a life time oppurtunity"
"nope, nothing will ever come between me and my work"

those are uttered upon every interview that i had been. yep, dreamming to be a top niche career woman. been floating in my mind for quite some time. heh quite some years. until dis little yet powerfull notion arrive. LOVE.

to be loved comes after to love. nearly lost sight of that statement upon being placed in an ambiguous situation twice. alhamdulilah, da 2nd one last and insyaalah it will last. da second is strong as it is piled to the sacred tawakkal. tears are every here and then. and again, it leads to a unify reason of being a human. alhamdullilah.

love brings in dis little fella, full of wonders. packaged along excitements, emotions.

be it normal, c-section, adoption or simply having a state of mind on it, a child changes everything. remember, she's amanah. and remember, she's another jasad with his or her own soul. remember, she's as well a human. and remember, he come through you but not from you. alhamdullilah.

-------------------

"nope. not in 2009, i'm postponing it to 2010"
"nope. i want them to enjoy as well"
"yep, i love them very much"

salam nisfu sya'aban!

ugly Betty vs political forum

2008-07-15T12:18:00.002+08:00

Tonight there's gonne be a forum between d x-dpm and one of the ministers. and, on the otehr channel, there'll be ugly betty and sinderarella. well, only if it's a forum between x-pm and d minister will i tune to dat channel. an this moment ugly betty won. heh, even sinderella fall to da second rank. well, it falls due to d decreasing story-flow lately. unlike betty, where, every scene is filled with unpredictable taughts. heh. whateva d reasons are, life without TV is certainly unimmaginable!

politics do interest me. yeah, once. today it rathers bores me than ponder my inner thoughts. well, it maybe due to my current situations, where work seems d priority. gee, not dat i'm a workaholic or any kind related to it, but more or less da duration of political debates/agenda/desmostrations kinda too long.

yep, i still remember how d x-pm once said to a reporter upon being ask on the politic matter after 1 month of d election day. he simply replies, "no more political issues. the election has finished and now, it's time to work". and yeah, it's true, evrything has got to have DATELINE. if not, people will get tired, even worse get BORED.

Registration

2008-07-04T17:47:00.004+08:00

Went to da clinic dis mornin. for rutin materity check-up. 2 doctors do d interviewing.
well, sometimes, upon being observed, the dubious kinda feeling tend to appear. dat's what happened to one of the dr. hehe and because of dat, i got exampted from MGTT. well, my wight kinda hike-up abrubtly, and da normal procedure is to do MGTT. checking on da glucose absorbtion level, failing d test bring to a conclusion of pregnancy diabetes. and da 2 dr's was arguing. well, d other who looks a lil' senior won. she classify my case as increased weight due to d increasing apettite. hehe. maknanya aku makin makan banyak. well betul tu.. hehe

freshies are all around da campus. since last sunday. hehe kekadang seronok tgk these newbies. with their enthusiast appearance. heh i'm really looking foward to this monday's class.

Discharged

2008-06-26T17:18:00.003+08:00

This same day, last week i was discharged from KMC. I was warded due to an acute athma attact. well, after about 20 years my athma returns!. yep, da last day i remebered being treated for athma is when i was 9. the doctor then suggested my mom to enroll me in swimming classes. kelas pakcik Zain*ba hehe. since then, i thought i will never ever again being nebulizered. but, last week, da condition was quite bad. Luckily, AbahQas was with me during those wheezing, stacatto breathes. I was admitted on Tuesday. Monday, a day before, i went to a clinic nearby. it was da 2nd time being refered to this dr. he then summarized that i'm being down with bacteria. thus, he nebulized me once and prescribed some antibiotics. I was on a better condition then. but it only lasts for an hour.
I was panic da moment when i felt an intense pain while breathing. the pain was there even when i'm standing. then, I sent BabyQas under my neighbour's care, and AbahQas drove me to GH. I was refered to the emergency/accident unit. nebulized again, before being referred to da dr on duty. She then told dat da previous antibiotic, as being prescribe by da clinic, was unnecessary, since athma treatment has nothing to do with dat particular medicine. cheh, sapa yg betui? one thing for sure, i kept reminding both doctors dat i'm pregnant, an action from my part to avoid any unsuitable prescribtion. i had as well brought along necessities kot2 kena warded. but, da dr said dat my condition will be better. i can just go home and have a good sleep. sampai rumah, amek BabyQas. She was sleeping while cuddling her bantai bucuk. sedih pulak tgk dia. a'a i felt kinda sad because i was unfit and have to 'simpan' her at my neighbour's house. ter'emo' pulak. AbahQas said dat i should relax and rest. He said,
Allah uji nikmat bernafas. sikit, then terus kita trigger macam2. betui, masa dalam kereta, all i thought was like macam nak dah nak pegi. sebab memang tak cukup nafas. bila abahQas speed da car, i asked him to slow, takut laju. memang kalau fikir balik masa tu macam apa je. hehe.
ok back to d story.
dah siap2kan tempat todor aroung kol 1. i went to sleep. half an hour later, i started to feel da wheezing breath. i couldn't lie down. i couldn't be in a position wehre my lung is on da same par as my stomacth. dat night i slept in 'bersila' position. haha dah duduk macam patung c*n@.
Then da very next morning, AbahQas sent me to KMC.
and yep, warded.

I'll continue with in ward story tommorow. Today AbahQas datang, nak balik dulu.

To care and to be cared

2008-06-13T10:54:00.003+08:00

One nice thing about being a human is dat we're full of 'care'. it's a choice to give 'care', however, to get 'care' it's the chosen one. well, in an easy math =>

give 'care' = choice

get 'care' = chosen

chosen : is considered lucky as long as 'appreciation' is there

choice : a reflection on one's authority, kingdom, knight ect...

and gee, i used to think that 'care' is a proses timbal-balik. as an example, today i give 'care' for A and tomorrow i should get 'care' from A. and yep, i does get caught in the fire of revenge, envy and all those mazmumah's. Well, it leads me to keep my 'care', reserves to those who granted their 'care' for me. heh konon macam i scratch your back today, tomorrow you scracth my back la.

tapi semua tu salah.

and my mom did correct my 'care' math. once upon a time. heh. she said dat 'care' is actually a chain reaction. Giving it to A today, you MIGHT get it from C,G or even H. when? maybe tomorrow, maybe tomorrow's tomorrow or even maybe 1000 x tomorrow's tomorrow. and da best part is if you didn't get the 'care' back. because as long as you give the 'care' with full of sincerity, Allah will always care for you. I obeyed the correction.

but as human, hehe sometimes, major times, i slipped. heh.

anyway, sejak berumahtangga ni, hidup penuh bermakna. yep. cinta padanya memang mambawa cinta kepada-NYA. Alhamdullilah. Nighmatullah.

BabyQas

Upon being ask, " siapa nama Sya angkat tangaaaaan!",

She'll raised her hand and reply, "aaaya!"..

yang best yang nih... " siapa commei angkat tangaaaaan!",

She'll reply, "Ummi" heheh.

AbahQas beberapa kali mempengaruhinya suruh tukar dari "ummi" kepada "abah", masih tak jadi2. hehe.

Ada ubi ada batas

2008-06-03T16:16:00.003+08:00

Finally I have something to post.

Initially I was mad. well, perhaps maybe i'm still mad. anyhow, i'm trying to practice 'tazkiyatun nafsi'. thus, by blogging, hopefully, i could extingush dis madness or at least reduce it to the tiniest anger as possible.

sometimes, the feeling can be really dissapointing upon being turned down. well, it doesn't matter if da problem isn't solved but at least the coutesy of listening does help. heh, rejecting without even finish listening to those begging line for help, is somewhat an act of a stubborn yet prominent egoist.

heh, now i ain't mad anymore.

having revenge is not good for life. bacause, 'sesungguhnya memaafkan itu adalah lebih baik" waalahualam.

Belanja..

2008-06-03T13:10:00.002+08:00

It's a norm when A tag item X as enpensive while B, C and D might tag item X as cheap. The variations of human perceptions is somewhat a bless. with it d worls is full of colors, smells and yep full of sizes.

Lately, i've been very much craving for steam fish. hmm, be it ginger-steamed fish, asam boi-steamed fish or even lemon-steamed fish, as long as the fish is steamed, my tastebuds will stimulates those enzimes. but d steamed item is rather expensive compare to other dishes if i were to buy it from d restaurants nearby. thus, i made an effort of getting it done in-house heh. While preparing those item, AbahQas called, as usual, updating my current situation (gee i love it very much when da phone rang and AbahQas number appeared. because there will be, must be something dat he says dat will boost my day heh). and yep instead of sounding suprised to hear that i'm cooking something (well, i usually never cook when AbahQas and babyQas is not around), he suggested me to dine out, tak payah susah2 masak. but my standard reply is dat 'expensive' excuse.

well, when it comes to spending for one's need, we rather 'berjimat', but when it comes to consultations, we tend to close one eye. no matter how expensive it'll be, we will never ever bargain for a reduces price heh. maybe it's because the consultaion is done before we get da charges or perhaps when it come to the need of hearing opinions on a condition we tend to compromise. it goes da same whether it's medical consultation as well as our mechanics' consultation.

that is why lending a shoulder to cry on is somewhat a relive for most of the people. it's because by listening we're actually 'consulting', even if it's without any verbal communication.

heh i've no idea to post actually. that's why dis time da post is rather a rojak entry. perhaps i need some consultation heh

Between work and family

2008-05-31T10:57:00.002+08:00

noting should be distinguished, there should be NOThING in between work and family.

lately, i've been really attached with work. after d morning sickness phenomenon heh, after handing BabyQas to AbahQas, works seems da 'word' day and night, weekdays and weekends. I kinda missed AbahQas a lot hehe. June until August will be be his busiest time every year. That's da time when palm fruits ripen and harvesting during this seassion is very very rewarding. Alhamdullilah.

Sometimes, this does ponder in my mind. One day, I'll have to choose between being home or in the office. AbahQas says dat, being a goverment sevant, work is a priority as, govement servant should offer services as much as they could to civiliant. afterall, they are the one who pay the taxes that eventually creditted to my account. personal salary account. Now, i get another piece of picture why AbahQas prefer to run his own bussiness rather than being employed by 'bussinesses' even da first need him grant risks bigger than da second one.

anyway, being alone at dis moment made me realize that this chance will or maybe will not come again. thus, i sort of have this a couple of moments ber'tafakur' illaAllah. yep, this explains why people go tabligh, khalwat (in dis sense in being alone-mengingati Allah). Human need this time to at least reflect on their life.

but, again back to d question, should i distingushed family and work. well, i shouldn't. and yep, priority is always family. i'm ready to willing to give-up work, as i've once done before and Alhamdullilah, it's rewarding, Even it's pulling me away from society's 'accredition", I'm happy as long as i have i have my family's recognition, AbahQas esspecially

potluck

2008-04-09T11:42:00.003+08:00

it was a mouth watering potluck. too much delicacies, which lead to an adjourned party. well, i prepared an express menu, yummy-egg-mayonese sandwich. yep sandwiches for potluck. ok ape.. better still than nothing kan. one good hing about dis is dat we get to minggle around, spreading gossips, current issues about this lovely workplace. heh.

anyway, i finished my last lecture dis morning. it was satisfying. really. i'm guessing it's because of da rather so called positive feedback i've gotten from the students. i've as well launcehd my official website where students can d/load stuff for their study. and yep, there's dis one colum for forum. i'm hoping they'll make use of dis forum as much as possible.

dis semester, i bother less about students' attendances. well, dulu pun i never really concern, untill dis prof stress out d duty of collecting attendance. back then, i started to head count and mark those absentees and refer them to the authority heh. no compromy. but then, after a while, i'm kinda less worry about it and rather focus on how to make these students themselves wanting to come to class. and yep one thing for sure, they'll volunteerly 'subscribe' your class if it has what they look for, which varies from one student to another. well, i have yet to achieve 100% attendance for every class, but an average of 93% attandance for each class satisfy me. well, at d moment.

anyhow, i received my pnp result. it wasn't a great score. hehe bettersay worse than d others hehe. well, at least i didn't cheat in exam heh. and the art of teaching is subjective. there's always something to argue but let it be. heh

the girl who lives in the dark

2008-04-02T09:56:00.003+08:00

as usual, i watched tv last night. well, tuesdays has beed great as after 8pm it'll be loaded with lots, lots of great shows. i was on buletin utama and discovery channel 551, and diari AF at 8 pm, sinderela and heros at 9 pm, prison break, ugly betty and desperate housewives at 10 pm. heh amazing kan, yang pasti a huge credit is on dat astro remote control. hahaha if it wasn't because of if, i will never ever able to watch 8 dramas in 3 hours hehehe.

of all the slots i had watched, discovery channel 551 caught me emotionally. hehe. it was on "insight china: the girl who lives in the dark". named lao yien. she lives somewhere in a the mountainous rural area. she had dis sort of skin cancer, namely XP (aku lupa, xp ke ap ke nama dia seakan2 xp).
she is sensitive towards uv, which explain why she lives in the dark, to avoid d sun. the tumor had defected her entire face, sparing only one sight of her eye. she was 11 years old. there was this british doctor, a dermatologist came all da way from UK to this girl home.
lao yien said one day, she want to look beautiful, and get married to someone. the british dr was very soft-spoken and because of his effort, lao yien was scheduled for a treatment in shang-hi. by the way, shang-hi is big. a mega city with more than 1000 skycrappers!

her cancer was quite bad, thus, she was sent for biopsy. the emotional part is when her father was left alone to make decision on lao yien's surgery. the british doctor approach was to find the best for lao yien, but the sh**gh*i's was more or less stressing on lao yien's life chances. boleh ke dia kata "if she didn't operate today, she might die today but if she does pun, she will die tomorrow"! well, it's kinda harsh, taking into account lao yien's father background, petani kat kaki bukit yang sungguh hulu, adn his effort to come all along da way from their home, 2 days journey. anyhow, her father is optimist and sign for the procedure.
and the doctors manage to remove the tumor. she has no nose, no cheek and only 1 eye. during d interview, she said that she was hoping to look like a normal person, nevertheless she was happy without the tomor.
6 months after the surgery, the cancer evaporates into her blood stream. and this statement was showed on the screen, "lao yien passed away in Jun 2007", ahh aku nangis tatkala itu. uh.

then i tuned into AF, tgk cikgu linda tgh marah2 student af because their dance in "menuju puncak" performance was bad. well, to be frank, i think the careography itself need to be more dynamic. as a trainer, she need to think on how to make the best out of each student, moreover when they are from various background. if you ask a 40 yr old medium sized lady whose not used to paula abdul kinda lifestyle to move, of course you'll get da result as it was on last saturdays' concert. heh. american idol group performance for example.. they focused on vocal, yet their dancing wasn't bad as everyone get steps that they are comfortable with. thus the show get quality vocal with an entertaining moves.heh

Jiran

2008-03-31T16:58:00.002+08:00

There's lots of stories about living with / in a neighbourhood. sometimes it's sweet, mushmellow, tenderly pleasant and some other time its bitter, sourgrape, a creepy nightmare. this time, i'm lucky to have a pleasant and kind neighbour.
well, most of the people who work here are from the eastcoast. nak jumpa 'geng mami' amatlah jarang hehe and kalau ada pun, their slang is just isn't what as i tagged on those people back home. yep true slang / dialact plays a very important role. contohnya, when a mami talks, their head will sashay gently (well taklah se-ganas k**i*g) and that sashays does entertain me heh.
anyway back to my jiran.
my jiran in Kelan***esse. hmm, i've heard a couple of thing about Kelan***esse. and most of them are negative. however, 2 of my husband's best friend are Kelan***esse. and he said, Kelan***esse is nice if you could adapt with them well. hmm, one thing for sure, i really need my hubby to translate what they say as i could harly catchup with their slang heh.
and last sunday, i was very much craving for ketam. and i went to the nearest market to fing dissapointment when no crabs were sold. thus, i try my luck asking my jiran if they know any ketam seller nearby. and they suggested a pasar malam by the river. and yep i found 2 pieces big sized ketam. upon returning home, mi jiran saw da ketam (kinda saw her jeling to my ketam bag). then, 15 minutes later, my jiran bagi salam and masuk rumah. she ask what's my favourite dish, ketam cili api or kari ketam. cili api i replied. and belive it or not. she brought along santan. she cooked for me. all i did was cleaning d ketams. and of course sembang2 with her. heh she sometimes has to rephrase as i sometimes couldn't understand her.
then, i packed some for her and she rejected. she even told her children not to accept my ketam hehe
and it made me think how jiran could help ease your life.

product talks

2008-03-19T14:02:00.002+08:00

i distributed instructional evaluation form to d 'products' justnow. well, da products had spoken hehe (ala2 tribal council - survivor)

some of the comments are:

"the lecture is interesting but she speaks too fast"

"she need to take breath and slow down her speech because she cakap laju sangat"

"e-notes materials are seldomly used"

"lecture notes should be uploaded frequently!"

"we need more exercises. insufficient assignment"

"the varaible methods she uses in her lecture make me understand better this subject"

"everyday is a new input"

"her teaching conveys extra information to us"

"i like how she simplify the curvy information"

well, constructives I shall say. and yep, i'm really looking foward dis e-learning thinggy. we were given space to upload notes but i'm kinda not into it as sometimes d server can be really slow. but, next week i'm gonna use some of my tiny-miny blog-html experience to build a website. thought of havong a channel for forum.
and yes, i really2 need to slow down da speech. hmm .. bukannya apa, sometimes, i felt as if there's lots to convey, within dis short time. tu tak tambah lagi those unefficient timing, when couple of yawning faces occurs.

weh kena pi ceramah kkf. sambung nanti

anniversary

2008-03-17T14:58:00.002+08:00

today is my 2nd anniversary. my nikah day was 17 march 2006 bersamaan 17 safar 1426.

wah, sungguh cepat masa berlalu.......

Copy's copy

2008-03-17T14:33:00.003+08:00

one thing for sure, i get bored upon marking assignments which didn't embrace originality. well, true. if you were in my phase, after 2 years of extreme marking hehe (macam banyak kan) you tend to have dis 6th sense of recognizing genuine work.
and yep, i find it rather interesting if d assignment is only 1 page of the writer's own work. you can get other's idea, but please assure that you 'digest' d idea first and then spell it out.

well it goes da same d other way round. well, we, new teachers need to somplete certain tasks for authority evaluation. and dis evaluation will at d end of da day determine my job's confirmation. and da due date is within a month from da announcement date. this friday is da due date, and yep, i've done mine. well, i did several internet browsing and digested some of the idea and began typing and finish my assignment. last week. and just now, dis fella came over asking for d softcopy. dis fella is a new teacher as well. gee, i told him dat i will share da internet sites dat i've found but he kept pushing for d document. banyak cantikk.. i did dat sampai muntah heh (dat assignment tak heavy pun but memang sekarang dok fasa muntah2kerap!).
am i being kedekut ilmu? i don't. ask me anything, even d idea of doing dat assignment, i will share. but da software document, malas la pulok. lagipun, bukan ke we loud for no plagiarism to students. uh!

Chuchu ba

2008-03-14T13:49:00.003+08:00

I vomitted twice today.
uh those sardin's smell is still alll over my head. last night, i'm kinda craving for tuna sandwiches. and, i'm running out of tuna mayonese stock. so, i woke up kinda early dis mornin' and make some ayam brand sardine-in-tomato sandwiches.
it was good. dis morning. buttered bread with 2 scoops of sardin. i ate nearly 4 sets. heh.

but as soon as i reached office, with a pile of marking needed to be done, i started to feel some dizziness. uh. then those 'hanyir' smell kinda evaporates in my nose. hakikatnya, there was no sardin or any other fish in my office. and my brain keep rewinding until a peeking point where i grab a plastic bag and uweeeeek. uh. then baru lega.

then, i took a walk, inhale some fresh rainy air. da sardini's smell eventually deflatted away.
went for lunch. and guess what, da smell's return. uh.

HubbyQas called dis morning, BabyQas cried for ummmi last night. uh. huhuhu. i cried upon da news la pulak. anyway, petang nih nak balek kg. jumpa BabyQas.

Rindu

2008-03-13T14:40:00.002+08:00

yep i missed BabyQas a lot. hehe baru 48 jam. semalam ingatkan macho.. but ternangis jugak... mana taknya, masuk je rumah jumpa kasut dia sebelah. sebelah lagi dalam bilik tidor, jalan masuk bilik kedua jumpa kucin butat mainan babyQas. gi dapor jumpa sudip, periuk kat lantai, babyQas main semalam while i mandi. uh. sedih, semua kat rumah tu babyQas. masa solat dah takde si kecik dok intai2 bawah telekong.

BabyQas ikut HubbyQas ke kampung. well, fon kg, she sounds healthy + happy. at least makan mminum dah gerentee sedap opah jaga. ntah boleh tahan ke tak. kalau ikut plan nak letak dia sana sampai morning sickness phase dah settel + samapi taska dah stabil (lately taska

Wet Wednesday

2008-03-12T10:41:00.004+08:00

ok, i've been tagged.

5 things i do with internet:-

1. company's portal. well, what else is more priority than da one dat cash in some fulus every month heh. most of d memos and announcement is brosdcasted through dis site. and yep, dis site does get congested and once a while clogged (CikD cukup sika perkataan ni- clogged).

2. it'll be d mail. again, lots of work-related.

3. will be blog. even dis is 3rd ranked, i spent quite an amount of time here. yep, one thing is to do da posting. another thing is to visit those buddies. i've once halted my entry. just do some visiting but, then, kinda wanting to blog again.

4. news portal. since tv news has lost it's 'charm' to d other hottie series. ANTM sure beats buletin utama by 3 times heh.

5. it'll be google. hehe. da path to thousands of solutions.

BabyQas ikut HubbyQas ke kampung. Yep, tonight will be my first night without her. takut pun ada. I've been with her since da day whe was born. kinda reluctant in making dis decision, but when her 'care' is given a thought, i'd prefer opah to look after her rather than some kakak-taska-replacement. another matter is due to my worsen morning sickness. really. semalam, balek awal. focus dah lari. heh

I'm praying da best for everyone.

it's kinda an uncomfortable announcement yesterday. it makes me wanting to go back and proof how worthy someone can be. I told HubbyQas, how serius i'm in doing so. he has his own strategy. well, it does surprise me. and yep it sounds practical. and i'm really hoping dat he could agree and join my plan. hehe because, the only reason why i had dat plan is due to d confidence dat i have upon seeing how he manage his career. wallahu'alam.

SKT

2008-03-07T13:39:00.004+08:00

yep d SKT. sasaran kerja tahunan. well, at last, today i've completed d 2008 skt 1st quater planning. erm, nothing much in d plan, taking consideration of the practicality of each plan la kan. hehe. gee, some academic, research and management tasks to be completed in dis wonderfull blessed 2008 heh, ayat bodek.

Sometimes there is a need to stand out in a crowd. yep, in order to get some recognization. however, in doing so, there are chances where things might get a lil' offensive hehe really offensive.

I'm a lil' annoyed with dis partucilar fella. gee, with dis fella, it's always a competition. and dis is not those who-wins-who-lose kinda things. it's more internal, aura, firasat thinggy heh. haha senang cerita, aku perasan dia dok chelen2. hehe the only potion to yin-yang (stabilized kan la konon) d situation is by just ignore dis fella. but yesterday, i accidently spell out to a friend about dis fella, and guess what, she's feeling da same too.. hehe maka it's true then ! dis fella.. stand out of crown.. chellen2..
Positive side of view, dis fella's triggers d competetive side of me. well, it had been a long time since my competetive era, really it was only in my secondary school. towards d end of my high school, i kinda developed dis motivation - the best competitors is yourself. thus i kinda stop racing, showing off those tiny miny achievements.

I adore those fella who let their work do d talking. well, in my world, let the product, studets do da talking. you're afterall a teacher. the better you could teach, d better teacher you are. it will never ever be a winning situation if on paper it's a 4 page resume but reality, none understand your lecture. a reminder for me as well.

so, am i chellenged with dis fella's 'chelen'? ermm..

yes i do. but, i'll mke my work do da talking! wait and see! heh.

selamat mengundi buddies!

New Look

2008-03-05T12:51:00.002+08:00

amacam?
ok tak?
respond kat tag-board ok..

feeling at home

2008-03-05T09:31:00.002+08:00

my mom is around. and it really2 feels like being at home. feels like penang. mom herself can bring the whole penang to me. heh sounds like miracle kan.
mak arrived last monday. pick her up at the airport. and since dat moment onwards, my kitchen is enlivend. semalam there was bubur durian, da day before there was bihun ayam masak kicap and dis morning, bangun2 je mak dah siap cucr durian. petang nih she's gonna buat sup ayam since babyQas suka banget ayam.

after subuh prayer, there was dis kind of feeling. feeling macam i was in my early 20's. well, i've always been in penang up till my mid 20's. penang is syok. well, hubbyQas said dat i was feeling dat way because i've assimilate with penang since my birth. so true in a way. hehe. whatever reason it is, i'm really bahagia when mak around. hehe.

last monday as mak landed, abah called. da first question was did babyQas recognized her, my mom. well, kids developes. when she was a little baby, she's comfortable with everyone. nak ke semua. but as she turn 9 months, she started to pick up some familiar faces and kinda reluctant to be with those not-so-familiar ones. my mom was one of them. since babyqas meets her like once a months. i'm kinda uneasy with dis. well, it kinda pop in my mind dat dis is due to me living a lil' far from my parents. and babyQas is my mom first cucu. she's da most happiest person upon hearing d pregnancy news, and when babyQas turn her around i'm afraid is she got disturbed by dis.
I consult mak. hehe her first responds was, laa.. dia baby lagi... hehe only me feels inferiority over dis matter. alhamdullilah, i managed to squeeze and spend nearly a month in penang last december. babyQas developed her mak tok database and mak is no longer non-familiar. hehe in da morning, macam tadi she took her kasut and ask mak tok to put them on. nak ikut ummi. nangis.. but as i returned from work, eksyen peluk2 maktok dia. hehe.

morning blues seems to slowly dissolved. hehe at da moment. hope it'll vanished. hehe.
malam ni jangan lupa, where is Sara.
till then, resume later.

Ex-bos dearie... heh

2008-02-29T10:32:00.003+08:00

well.. i's kinda disturbing. dis week, I started to experience mild sickness. eventhough it wasn't as bad as da previous one, I do lose some point at some particular time. I ended yesterday's class earlier. percaya tak?-towards finishing another 25 minutes, my throat was like chocked. memanag I did the uweeek mimic. nasib la kalau murid2 perasan ke tak. yg pasti, it was an instant relief upon mimic-ing uweek tu.

and old friend called yesterday. kinda missed her. been with her for only about 9 months yep, solid 9 months before i resigned from my previous employment. well, she had a news to share. hehe ayat yg best was "@s ada cerita yang mungkin you nak dengar"... "apa2? cepat apa?", "bos hantar 30 days resignment notice" - huh?

well, what has it to do with me. after all, bos is not my bos anymore- an ex-box. should i be celebrating or share the grief of bos's resignation?

well, once, it was my dearie friend, @s and jessic@ who did their best te 'cover' my emotion, motivation. yeah i had an 'experience' with my first job. but only then i realized, both of these girls are really my true friend. knowing, being with them only for ~ 9 months was no friendship, it was a sister-hood.

ex-bos resignation. gee.

dear ex-bos,
to be fair, what am I today is as well because of what you had been before (ayat keling heheeh). yep, maybe better said this way. my confidence today is a reflection of the experience we had before. i'm neither happy nor unhappy with your resignation. da resignation news did strucked me. as the only one word chopped from my tiny-little heart was 'sayangnya dia resign!'.
in d early phase of our bussiness, i really adore you. even untill today i adore your commitment that you're willing to give for d organization, your workaholic spirit that you show upon a given task and your loyalty towards friendship. but there are things which mixed. which shouldn't ever been mixed. friendship and work-ship (limited vocab here- tolong....aku nak kata kerja -ship). because once they melted together (kerja-ship and friendship), professionalism could never exist.
12 months being attached under your supervision was an experience dat i really preserved. yep. i felt lucky whenever i remember a phase that once i would very much wanted to erase from my life journal. kalu dulu, how i wish i was ment to be your friend, instead of your employee. tapi, HubbyQas slalu reminded me on qada' dan qadar. Allah dah susun dengan cukup sempurna. Kita perlu redha and cheeerish every moment kerana dat moment will never return. hehe diverted la pulok- ok back to ex-bos,
I wish you da very best of life. till then,
cheers!. heh.

any tips on 'mengharungi' lagi 2-3 minggu sickness ni? een?

Where is SARA?

2008-02-28T10:22:00.002+08:00

Hehe AXN surely did it's job excellently.

where is Sara? Sar@h r@isudin? M@isara? S@rabanu? one thing for sure, Baby Sarah Aiesha celebrates her 1st last week.

I was really hooked into CSI series. heh once upon a time ago la. now, it seems like axn is repeating d series and it hasd diverted me into other hot series. hot-ter series. hehe grey's anatomy is da first chioce nowadays, for me. even house pun kalah dengan dia hehehe. but HubbyQas is the other way round. well maybe 'house' suits men better. ha, d new bionic woman pun best. hehe "i'm da first bionic woman, da aa" heh d most catchy line ever!

erm. dulu, I kinda watch oprah. hehe really, a bit of a matured taste hehe .. not for long. it kinda bores me moreover when they discussed domestic family issues. it appears somehow contra than what i would expect in life. maby due o east and west internal values kot.

kalau talk show, I'd rather go for erm.. can't recall one pun. jop, maybe ac di sini kinda fun. hmm let me see, da difference among local talk shows is d issues dat it rises. ac di sini kinda current issue and d questions also reflect that d host do his job. kalau yg international, well i used to follow kofee with karan hahaha percaya tak.. hahahah cipan. lama2 pun it bores me. erm talk show parkinson i loved, hehe yg i watched pun only once. masa his interview with madonna. he provoked her with questions on modonna's motherhood - about being stict to her children, she replies, "wouldn't you want your children to pick her own clothes and put them in the washing machine" - yeah, i would!

TV kinda plays important role in my life. upon renting dis house 2 years ago, i bought a TV first then the gas stove, then washing machine. hehe bila BabyQas about to lahir, only then we bought sofa and bed set. heheh

and now, TV can't stand without ASTRO hehe. and sedar tak sedar, a year, i paid for dis sattelite gadget rm 900. uh. 3 tahun leh dapat tv plasma.30 tahun leh dapat a kelisa.

heh

Chilli wednesday

2008-02-27T09:52:00.002+08:00

To Azanie and Een.

Thanks for reminding me that we have a cycle that we've always have since a long-long time ago. Blog.

Serius, it had been nearly 3 months kot from my previous entry. A capital 'halt'.

Election is just around d corner. Which to vote. well, undi adalah rahsia. While driving to d lab yesterday, I noticed that it's just da same. with or without parliment (parliment bubar) - maybe because it's malaysia. the harmony everafter malaysia. Case would be obviously be different if it's an 'un-malaysia' country kan. setuju?

Sometimes in life, we just want more. MAybe it's human nature kan. contohnya, I did a lot of markings throughout the year. hehe well. cikgu, banyak la kena markkan. from assignments to quizes to reports to tests. none is without i-want-more-marks attitudes. but as usual, the more you (murid2) ask the more I dig any free marks that I accidently give, to restrict me from entertaining those little (murid2). well tak little la.. sebab ada yg lagi besar hehheh. sedihnya cuma ada 2-3 je.. yg l;ain kecik2. heh.

we want more. more food. nope, not necessarily. contohnya, having a statement in mind as such - lagi banyak makanan, lagi banyak makan, lagi banyak berat. we wouldn't want more. it works. moreover when you're in a strict diet (2004 makan sayur and buah je), you wouldn't want more mCchicken even if ir's free. in this case, it's don't want more.

we want more. an increased salary. upon signing the agreement working with a company, the first thing in mind is how lucky, grateful you are. sebab ada orang nak ambil ko kerja. but as working place slowly evolved becoming a social habitat, people start to compare. erm.. like in this case. well, A and B get da same pay. both are happy. but later B discover A has less work than B but by the end of the month both m@ybakn2u account debitted da same amount. B started to 'want more'.

we want more. supporters. be it, family members or any other 'pawn'. supportes make you happy. sebab supporters will says you are true, correct your opponent is wrong. heh supporters make you a winner, even you lose in a game. so we want more supporters.

we want more time. cliche kan. tak cukop masa. yg nih susah nak komen because i myself is trying to train myself. Surah Al-Asr tells d story.

whatever 'more' we want, 'security' is a thing an an-nas most looking for.
be it,a glory..gold.. or even gospel...

December the 6th

2007-12-06T20:58:00.000+08:00

Dis same day, in the year 1993, I for the first time, enrolled as a student in one of the northern area SBP.

Dis same day, in the year 2004, I reported duty as an employee to a company. I'm no longer there, though!

Dis same day, in the year 2006, I began to experience mild contraction, my first pregnancy.

Dis same day, in the year 2007, BabyQas began her steps. Yep, steps. hehe dah buleh jalan da. Memang obvious! yesterday she was pretty much depend on her Tok Ba. Today, she confidently reject helps from us.

November and December was fully booked for seminars and workshops. Some were upon voluntary, and da rest was made compulsory by the authority. Began with a Programming language training. Was very much satisfied. Previous doubts seems a li' clearer. Da plan was to absorb those training material into my teaching for next semester, as i felt that it's a responsibility of anyone who undergo a trining distribute, broadcast, 'payback' those lectures to the rest. Finding is for sharing. Some might disagree, well, people differs. Rambut sama hitam, hati lain2 la katakan. Anyway, I'm doing my best in cultivating the idea of spreading those 'ilmu. The plan of distrobuting this 'ilmu HDL is partially done though.hehehe kinda busy preparing some other documentations. Anyway, I will resume it soon. really soon.

Then, another voluntary workshop, on managing. Managing in general, broad view. It was meant for the administritive personnel but, just fit myself into it. Kinda interesting in way, Being exposed to concept of managing, and the idea or Marlov, where people have the urge to work because of certain factor; physical, needs, social and self actualization.

Currently in hometown. Spending the days with parents. BabyQas' enjoying her days with MAkTok and TokBa. Bought her new shoe. Stage 2 shoe. hehe baru tahu, rupanya the shoe that was worn by her was Stage 1. patutla licin. itu untuk budak2 erm baby. Mula2 they'll wear stokings (masa baby), then Stage1 shoes (masa mula2 nak tatih dalam rumah) then stage 2 (kasut jalan luar rumah).

ala rsume later, bbyQas nak susu!

Ramadhan 27th, 1428

2007-10-09T13:07:00.000+08:00

Wow man, 3 days to go or better say.. 3 days left.

Raya mood. yeah, dat's da best to describe the environment now. shopping complexes, hitz.fm, astro, tv3, dis uni, boleh dikatakan the whole Malaya is in dis raya mood. life has been great.

BabyQas is sehat as well. cuma weith a lil' cough. she was down with flu almost the whole week last week. and improving very much, almaklumlah staying with her maktok for today and tommorow.

Browsing through her pictures and found dis piece...

Dis pic was taken 7 months ago. hehe she grows. of course lah kan. her father was trying out d new baby seat.

Ranmadhan 1428 set a mother-daughter kinda emotions. and only one word could replace the feeling - syokk!. she had finally shift from roll-over to moving foward. with her cute-little 5 teeth, nursing can be a threaten. heh. comparisons tend to occur once in a while. even ignoring seems d best option, it hurts sometimes. HubbyQas always remind the concept of individuality, space,time and the most of all 'amanah' Allah. The best thing every dat is to see her wide smile and 'chak!' sounds. heh. syok!

A best friend of mine post dis q : "are you 'flying' now?"

hmm, I once very much into wating to fly, and enjoy very much the r.kelly 'I believe i can fly' song. and yep, it made me wonder a while, am i flying?

one thing for sure, everyone will fly. apabila tiba masanya, jasad ditanam, roh akan diangkat untuk mengadap Allah.
if dat was the question. no, i have yet to 'fly'. heh.
but i do fly... fly with firefly, nearly once a month. kuantan penang kuantan. hehe

well of course i understand the question as flying as flying ..

no rock (beca), i have yet to 'flying'. i wanna to. However, affirmatively I'm not 'flying' today, pretty much sure not tommorow but confidently, one day, InsyaAllah.

2007-06-21T15:44:00.001+08:00

hai..

Selling off those fishes

2007-06-12T14:49:00.000+08:00

It all began due to my tense on d short notice announcement. It had been a while since i'm feeling this kinda emotion. yeah pretty much since my last pregnancy.
It was like 6 months since my previose 'balik kampung'. I had been assigned to conduct lectures during dis short semester break. And since I had missed my kg very much, I planned a proper date and day to take leave, which will be 4 days after my department's course. I had book tickets heh had paid indeed those fares, even i had asked my mom to babysit her grandchild.
everything had been scheduled, so that it wouldn't interrupt any program.
and alas, this mornin, I was informed there' be changes with the dates. And yep it collided with my program. I got tense even worse upon being told by the administrative that nothing could be done ( because before i made my plan i had quardple check to confirm d program's date) cipan tahik.
Is it wrong if i didn't attend those seminar. afterall, those who participate in doesn't seem to have execute / apply what mak nenek that had been taught during d seminar. membazir duit. cipan.
then i noticed, it's not those seminars dat i've been tense around. it's my emotion.
emotion towards.. or best described as responds dat i got from surroundings.

sometimes in life, you plan. you try your best untuk mencantikkan apa yg diplan.
sekali, i got demotivated upon being told on dat dat dat hapens and yep yep yep got this out of that gone here and manage good effort being noticed bought susu write memo reply to hers. and worse when you notice nobody actually care! no body actually care.

Alhamdullilah, i have a great hubby will always be the first, then my baby then my mom then my dad.

so sorry, i've been emotional, not lately, just early!.cipan .. adios!

It's a coo coo coo

2007-05-04T08:52:00.000+08:00

Went to an engineering education conference yesterday. It was a whole day seminar (kinda engorged hehe.. manage to pump 7oz, da first ever more than 5oz hehe).

I was impressed with the opening speech by the rector. Yep, it's true whereby a niche of an academia is 'teaching and learning', however, most of the time educators who got recognized are those who excel in their researches. This scenario must change. Academicians need to be tip top in BOTH, educating and research. There are skills, techniques and methods to equip the learning process. The closure presentation is as well interesting. It was a paper on education techniques from the prespective of Sirah Rasullulah. We had indeed embedded this without realizing it in our daily life.

I'll be conducting lecture for this coming short semester course, on digital electronics. Has been and will always be in favour to teach dis subject.

BbyQas has now emerged from doing her staccato coo coo to a much longer and louder cooing sounds. and this has prompted more surrounding adults to imitate her newly-developed-verbal-skill hehe. Meanwhile, Mak Tok is currently on her vacation in Kuantan hehe, and she's looking after BbyQas now.

Introducing bbyQas

2007-04-27T16:14:00.000+08:00

Alhamdullilah, 4 months and a week ago, I gave birth to a baby girl. AbahQas was beside me all throughout the process in the labour room, which had taken nearly an hour.

Spend maternity leave with inlaws. Confinement can be quite stressful, with conflicts on self-confidence, on breastmilk production, on relationships, on weight, on appearance -banyaknya! But Alhamdulillah, everything is currently under control.

Upon returning to work, nursery is another matter apart from the ability to stock-up expressed breastmilk fo bbyQas. However, time does heal. Slowly, the confidence gained, and still picking up the pace. One thing for sure, life has been much worthfull. not dat it wasn't before this, it's becoming much,much more worthful. Alhamdullilah. Problems can sometimes burden a person, but most of the time, it actually mature the person.

Had just finished doing summary on expenses for d past 4 months. On one thought, necessities seems to be more with the appearance of the little one, but Subhanallah, it'isn't, malahan bertambah. Rezeki anugerah Allah.

Need to prepare text, yep, another emcee duty. Gonna resume latter. Daa..

Where is she??

2007-04-25T10:15:00.000+08:00

Where is alqas?

Well, I'm about to return, new mommy alqas. Currently in a workshop, and am about to do some blogging soon.

Kedekut dan Kaya

2006-12-14T17:17:00.000+08:00

Well, I have an emcee speech to be done before emph tomorrow. Now, the office hour nearly ends. My computer watch display 5.30pm, yet, I still wanna post this entry.

An entry about kedekut and kaya.

Having to articulate these 2 words, the figure of '$' will always pop in my mind. As this symbol reflect those 2 situations, kedekut and kaya. When an individual display a calculative manners, erm.. money wise or even action wise, the tendency of labelling him/her as kedekut is high. And on the other hand, when a person, with his or her warmth in showing empathy, lending their shoulder to cry on or even being generous in offering help, will always be tagged as a kaya or much precise phrase, murah hati.

What a person do or act today might be due to his past. Well, he might be used to a 'kiasu' kinda surrounding during childhood or maybe during his 'career'-hood. And that might be the reason for him displaying such attitude. Being calculative is not wrong, a friend used to say. Yep she's correct, as the calculative person did nothing to harm people, he wasn't being sarcastics neither did he stab someone's back nor did he be rude. He just simply act as a super power human who seems to be very very good with the so called calculator.

As I grow up, I saw that being kaya is not only about owing huge amount of $$$$. Well, literally, if A has $1 million and I only have acouple of $ in my account, of course la A is kaya than me. But my point here is that, kaya can be define very broadly. Yesterday, I went to my neighbour's house, upon being called for a dinner (hehe, my hubby and me was just planning to dine out as I have no mood to cook). The neighbour made a simple mee kuah, mee with a lil' daging and sawi. But, he invited as much as the whole block. (about 5-7 houses in the block). A guest said, in his jovial tone that he was never starve since he moved in this block, thanking the tuan rumah for the lovely, frequent makan2 kinda thing. The tuan rumah simply smile as he wasn't someone with awealthy background. He is a technician with 7 children. yet, he seems to spend a lot on these makan2 gathering. One situation wchih I catogerized as kaya. Kaya makanan.

Being kaya or kedekut is a choice. You can be kaya senyum, kedekut kertas printing, kaya ilmu, kedekut tenaga, kaya akal or even kedekut kertas speech.

hehe I simply have dis entry as I have no idea how to begin this emcee speech. The 'experienced' person seems a lil' too preserve with his teks. heh.

December Walla

2006-12-07T10:20:00.000+08:00

Wow, it's already December. December 2006. December has always be a month to remember. why?... My birthday in on 29th December, 6th December 1993 is da first day of school (first time masuk asrama), 6th December 2004 is da first day of meeting my husband (reported duty in d previous company). And dis year's December, hmm... another event is about to come. hehe.

It's just around d corner hehe. Excited as ever, yet jitters are still poping in most of d time. Everyone shares their labor experience, none were exactly the same. But one thing in common is that the exhilaration upon the first touch on d baby. Having to cuddle and welcome the baby to dis new world, to dis new family, to dis new mommy and daddy. hehe. Hmm, mengujakan. Nevertheless, there are as well stories of complications during labor which just could happen anywhere, anytime. uh.

So far, I've completed the tasks as planned earlier. The latest was a meeting minute. This is my first minute since working here. There are a couple of available format in d database system, but I then chose the one which was used in my previous company. The one used by my hubby, back then was my senior. Preparing the minute, moreover for the first meeting, always a time consuming, for me. Yestreday, it took me 3 hours to prepare the minute for a 2 hour meeting held a day before. The hardest part is to compose proper sentences from a messy minute taking note. hehe salah sendiri la kan.
Taking note during a meeting also require certain skills which I never ever good at. I remember attending a meeting, my first formal meeting with d director, head of department and senior colleagues 2 years ago. All I ever joted in dat 4 hours meeting was a 2 page note, which was only 20% of the infromation given when compared to the other senior colleagues. I later discovered the importance to stay alert moreover to the speaker who doesn't articulate the information clearly. These are those story teller, who loves playing around with words before coming to the point.

However, as time passes by, I kinda built an interest in writing minutes and reports. I'm no good at it, but, I just love doing it. hehe It all started with an admiration towards my husband's work, back then, when he uses to work in front of computer. Now, he's more into physical kinda job. Anyway, his reports and minutes were simple, yet covers all the information, and for that reason, he used to be the reference in d office. At first, I thought writing is simple, you listen, then you jot, then you write back what you jot. But, naaa, it's not dat easy because, you won't be listening what you NEED to write, because a report / minute is a summary of what was being uttered/attended/listened. In order to do so, you need to absorbed the whole idea of the speaker, then process it (in your brain), then jot the important points, before it all vanished as time passes by. And this all need to be executed within seconds. It'll become more challenging when you need to report a technical matter to a non-technical meeting board. I hope one day I could be able to master in this report/minute writting.

Came back from d rutine antinatal check-up. Everything was is normal condition, fetal's position, HB, urine and blood presure reading. Cumanya, lately I kinda developed a symptom of insomnia hehe. Not dat bad, infact not imsomnia pun, it's just difficulities to sleep at night. The weather feels kinda hot, eventhough the temperature is normal. Sweating throughout the night, something which I rarely experience before. The midwives assume this as a normal scenario.

Sometimes, I miss my sports life. I miss playing netball, volleyball and most of all, I miss the pool, swimming pool. I'm halting all these experience due to lack of facilities. The first thing I plan to do after the confinement period, Insyaalah is to swim (sebab mas tu rasa2nya ada kat penang). I have yet to discover nice pool here. There's one near my hubby's plantation area, It's a small pool, buat nak rendam2 okla hehe.
hmm gotta finish another report. resume later.

To all, in case, I haven't had d chance to update blog before my due date, forgive for all my wrong doings, harsh words ke, never I ever plan to do direct or indirectly --> translate dari peribahasa melayu. wrong doings - salah laku, harsh words - terkasar bahasa. hehehe

pray for my labor ok hehe...
Wassalam.

Finishing Tasks

2006-11-14T08:35:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I chaired a meeting. Well, it wasn't really a 'chairing' kinda thinggy, it's more likely as an emcee. First time. Having d assosiates as audience. From one point of view, lecturing is as well becoming a chairperson, between a group of students and a lecturer. Audiences reflect the performance of a gatherng. It could cherish as well as jeopardize a meeting. 3 types of audiences, active, passive and provocative. And having provocative students as audience is surely different from having a group of provocative bosses as audiences.

I am going to KL next week, upon being listed as one of the participant in a short course on dynamic presentation skill. At first, I was kinda reluctant to join, due to 2 factor;
1. the course itself, as I felt the presentation skill is a skill. One could master it with a lot of practice.
2. my situation during d course; time - it's held on my 35th week pregnancy, place - it's held somewhere around 300km from my home. I've beed advised to minimize my movements towards the end of dis pregnancy period.
However, I changed my mind since yesterday's meeting. I believe, there must be some useful tips that could be extracted throughout d 2 days course and I wanna visit those KL-mates, (k.fiza, een, as, jessica) after being away since June.

There're several tasks need to be settled before going off for my 2 months leave. Insyaalah from January until February 07. I did d checklist last night. Starting from, marking exam papers, teaching profile for 2 taught subjects, 16 academic advisee profile, 3 final year project reports and marks distribution spread sheet. Have to start now, otherwise 'they' could cramp my 2006 December.

Assesments

2006-11-10T15:48:00.000+08:00

Well, this week onwards will be d assesment week. Some is being assesed and few is doing d assesments.
This semester, I'm being excused from being an invigilator, gee, due to the condition I'm currently in. The faculty is being such courteous. I do however went to d exam hall, to do a lil' check-up on my paper, yesterday. The hall is only 5 minutes walking, yet, it took me nearly 7 minutes to reach there. hehe, I'm slowly evolving, moving like a snail. On my way there, I came across groups of students. Reminded me back to those years. There were some who looks as if tomorrow never dies as well as some who looks as if there's no tommorow. Some were busy flicking through their index cards, having small discussions and there's also some whose mouth were mumbling doing last minutes memorizing.
That is why I personally favour being an observant during exam week. There's such numerous attitude, action displayed regardless their age, as long as they are students, these scenario is normal. It's psychology. I'm kinda into these education psychology thinggy lately, hmm since being appointed as a member of the faculty academic division.

Fetal movements is obvious. Moreover in this thir trimster. There's aswell backache, and sometimes under tumy ache. While marking d exam papers, I sometimes take a halt, resting my tired arm on d bloating tummy hehe. Yang bestnya, I could feel the fetal's heart beat. Seronok dok layan, and upon being pinched, it gives responses. hehe It moves like a tiny waves. hehe. Mak once said there'll be a moment when I can feel the fetal's elbow, as well as knee.

Gee, gonna heading home. Planning of baking a coffe cake.
Resume later.

An hour to go

2006-11-08T09:17:00.000+08:00

I ran from d clinic. Hehe I had another test to be done. Well, due to d raya celebration, festive makan2, I've gained a total of 4 kilos in 2 week, and I felt nothing about it, because all d delicacies were scrumptious, worth to chew and simply irresistable. My weight increment however had alerted those midwives on my previous anti-natal check up, which was on last friday. Their concern on me gaining a total of 14 kilos all throughout my 32 weeks pregnancy had driven them to put me on another test.
There's a name for d test, but I've forgotten it heh, all I know is d night before test (which was last night, starting at 12 am), I'm not allowed to take any food or drink (ala2~ puasa) until dis morning at 8 am. As I reached d clinic, they took a sample of my precious-diamond-blood heh, then I was asked to finish a glass (large size) of heavy glucose drink. Then I have to wait for 2 hours before another sample of blood is taken. The theory behind dis test is to check weather my body could process glucose accordingly, to void d pregnancy diabetic symptom and to warn me - no more weight increment heh.
2 hours is too long to be at d clinic, thus, with an excuse to toilet, I drove back to my office (around 5 minutes journey). And here I am, blogging while killing d remaining hour.

Last raya was fun. First day in hubby's. However, on raya night, I was unable to hold back my tears. My hubby was quite shock with it hehehe ala2~ bipolar syndrom, I was in happy mood, playing with nieces and nephews, folding d ketupat palas, ironing raya clothes, and a second later I was in another totally opposite mood (well, not a second, neither an h0ur later, just before going to bed, I was kinda sad). Upon asking why, with his shocking yet smiling face, I couldn't lie but told him dat I missed my penang family members badly. It's like, 'how to raya without them'. And at da same time, I don't want him to feel dat I'm not feeling 'at home' at his home. I do. I do feel his kampung is mine (as all d neighbours know me, hehe even when I'm running pregnancy test, d whole kampung knew about it hehe), his house is mine (as I'm comfortable to move, sit, sleep whichever spot in d house), and most of all I strongly feel his family is mine as well. It's just when I close my eyes I saw mak and abah. And yep, I blame those pregnant hormon for this hehe. Dat was d raya night.
On Raya day itself, I was busy. hehe raya in perkampungan terancang was fun as the neighbours are close to each other. After raya prayer, the whole qariah starts it's Raya-open house-visiting. And dis year, my hubby's is d first check point. Uh, it was like having a kenduri. No wonder la d night before, my in-laws were busy scrubbing d talams and dulang. We made lemang, rendang and soto. hmm.. As a slow-mover in d family, I booked a position of dish washer hehe. Those serving and cleaning are being done by d rest of d family. Then, in d afternoon, I followed my in-laws joining d open house-visiting troop. kenyang sakan, ada la kot dalam 10 rumah yg dilawati. And dat night, we were fully exhausted. Together we had snack for dinner (main dish was kinda heavy after >10 open house visiting) while watching The Patriot (Mel Gibson) on HBO as all the raya movies were kinda boring.

The next day, my hubby and me departed for Penang. hehe 8 jam siut, lengoh pinggang2, kaki2, mata. Sampai2, I was struck with bad flu pulak. Went to clinic, get some piriton tablets. 3rd day, went back to Kulim, buat ikan bakar. Pak Su brought his ais kacang machine, and Cik made her tom yam, Tok made her ketupat, Mak Lang brought her mee kari. Uh dat night was really makan2.

Uh almost 10.15. Gotta rush back to clinic. Hehe 1.30 hour in d 'toilet'. ok, till then... Salam Berhari Raya....

Salam Aidilfitri 1427H

2006-10-19T13:15:00.000+08:00

......Selamat aidil fitri

Kepada saudara serta saudari

Setahun hanya sekali

Merayakan hari yang mulia ini...........

Wow d internet connection is so damn fast. Well, it maybe due to a reason of the reducing number of users, since most of them starts their raya holiday today. Dis scenario is very much different from last year's raya. Yeah so much different, in a very wider scale. Alhamdullilah.

......Di masa bulan Ramdan

Kita berpuasa hingga sebulan

Pabila Syawal menjelma

Hari raya disambut dengan gembira......

As for me, I'll be only applying leave after raya. An extension of 1 week after raya. Agreement had been set, and dis year, it'll be my hubby's turn and since d in law's house is just 2 hours away plus d declaration of public holiday on d 21st, I've decided to postphone my leave. InsyaAllah, we'll be heading to d north on da 2nd day of raya, lepas subuh hehe.

.......Miskin kaya memakai baju baru warna-warni

Mengunjungi sanak-saudara kaum famili

Sungguh hebat pemandangan di hari raya ini

Tua muda wajah berseri-seri......

Preparation for raya. Hmm, still preparing, and will keep preparing hehe. Believe it or not, none of us (my hubby and I) have had our baju raya yet. We plan to look for one dis coming Saturday, which is on Deepavali, in hoping for a last minute shopping-will get da best item-at a lower price! heh. As for d delicacies, erm, I'll be only assisting my in-laws preparing lemang, lontong and soto. Cookies on d other hand is already in da jars hehe.

........Marilah bergembira

Bersama menikmati hari raya

Mintak mak kuih sepotong

Saya mahu makan kerna perut kosong......

I've write a couple of songs on d CD dis morning to accompany our journey on d hi-way hehe wanna catch some of d raya mood. Most of them are d oldies, PRamli, Aisyah, BDB and Mamat. Songs do bring us back to d time when we always hear them kan. Saloma's version of raya songs is my favorite till now, because d images of my childhood raya keep appearing whenever I listen to it. Moreover during d intro part; tarra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra.. 3x... Selamat... hari raya... hehe

.......Maafkanlah jika ada terlanjur perkataan

Diharap supaya jangan disimpan

Kuberdoa selamat panjang umur murah rezeki

Semoga Tuhan akan memberkati.......

However, there's one thing I missed out. Kad raya. Gee, since early Ramadhan, I've been looking for a card printing shop, to print those raya cards. Kinda dreaming of customizing d cards; having own front page design, own name printed a d bottom, macam best kan hehe... and yep, was unable to locate 1, dis new place isn't as convenient as in my hometown. Need to do more 'explorace' I guess. Since no cards were sent out, I guess it would be lucky enough to recieve 1. Anyhow, dis is something for you...

Tomorrow will be my last day working in d month of Ramadhan 1427H. Scheduled for prenatal appointment in d morning (esok kena cucuk - imunisasi kedua uh). Till then, Salam Aidilfitri..

20th Ramadhan

2006-10-13T08:36:00.000+08:00

Alhamdullilah, it had been 20 wonderful fasting days and Insyaalah, 10 days to go. This year kinda different from those previous days, obviously when it comes to iftar. Most of d time I ate my own cooking. How will dis raya be? Yet to be known. It'll be d first ever solat aidilfitri away from home hehe.

Yesterday was packed. Very packed. And no one to blame for as it's a sequence of my bad manegement planning. Went to antinatal checkup in d morning. D doctor incharge was in hospital, delivering her baby. How sweet kan, she's d doctor and at da same time she's d patient. Thus went to meet d replacement Dr. We review d latest HVS result and Alhamdullilah, it's negative. However, the plan of being jabbed with antibiotic during labour is still intact. She later examine d tummy as I ask weather d size is normal (well, people seems to look surprise with my 29th week growth. some even guess I'm still in my 20th week, kecik sangat ke perut nih eh. hehe). The measurement was 29cm, which she claimed to be proportion with d 29th week's growth which is ~1 cm increment per week. Her assumption was it looks small if to be compared with my big frame.
Was later transfered to d midwife for further checkup. She explain further about d fetus positions. There are 4 sections, which mimic d C shape. D hard one will be the head, while d soft will be d buttocks and a flat yet a lil' hard is d back - where it's heart beat is monitored. Another section will be an empty space dat enable d hands and leghs of d baby to move. Lately d movements are a like a mild waves. It's fun having to experience it, moreover while lying down d sofa watching television. Sometimes, during lecture, while giving lecture I can feel the movements. hehe wonder if those students realize heh.

After returning from d antinatal clinic, I conducted 2 tests. 1 in lecture hall and d other one in 2 separate labs. In d lecture hall it was chill - due to d centralized air-cond. An hour later, went for tadarus in d office and later resume d 2nd test in d lab. Supposedly, I should be assisted with another assosiate, but due to late conformation I decided to take control of both labs. Since those 2 labs are being separated with a transparent wall, I thought it would be manageable. But, it turned out to be a race, between lab A and lab B, as questions kept pouring (questions on how to answer) as well as an intense monitoring to slim down their 'peeping' chances, for 1 and a half hour! And yep, I was totally flat after those tests.

Later, went back home. Tempting for lontong for iftar la pulak. Since it's just a simple recipe, I've decided to cook. D process is simple, but to prepare d ingredients does take a while. Frying those tempe, steaming d nasi himpit, chopping those chicken and veges, as well as making d sambal tumis to complete d meal.

Now I can really feel why Mak used to always rush back home after office. Sharp at 5 during Ramadhan. The satisfiction of each bite is what she granted for. I think I'm slowly evolve becoming my mother hehe.

Computer

2006-10-05T09:23:00.000+08:00

2 weeks ago, I reveived dis new PC. According to d HR personnel, every staff is entitled to get one. Weather it's a laptop, LCD or CRT PC will depend on their position and of course d availability of those gadgets.

Due to my impatience, I grabbed dis super mammoth 17 "CRT PC, upon being told only 2 units left on d shelf. I've been using my own notebook all dis while, and I wanna hand it over to my hubby, since I want him to 'IT-lised' his bussiness accounts, I agreed to take in dis gadget. Furthermore, being connected to d internet all da time is just too risky, moreover with d existance of various virus threats. Afterall, if it's d company's PC, there will be a free support from d ICT department as such free computer formatting service, free troubleshooting as well as free delivery heh. And while signing d agreement, (yeah agreement of taking full charge on dis machine - no pirated softwares, surcharge on lost items, no vandalism) I was told d CPU is equipped with 3 GHz P4, 60GB HD and 215MB RAM, so I thought dat would be more than enough (as it were to compare with my notebook - 20GB HD and 125 MB RAM and yeah 450 MHz P4). Thus, without hesistation, I sign d letter. And yep, dat was 2 weeks ago.

Yesterday, somthing happens to dis PC. D company adopt an IT based system, paperless environment in its management system, whereby every documents, records and data are uploaded and downloaded from d server. Dis even includes staff daily work record, students record, students marks entry as well as paycheck slips. In order to run dis application, user need J*VA web tools. My tools haven't been working since last Friday. And, I was told dat it happend due to a virus attact. Talking about computer viruses, dis PC is being shielded with eT*rust, a mild anti-virus software as d ICT people claim to be sufficient, and guess what, those viruses manage to squeeze into dis PC and ruin my J*VA application. Thanks to d ICT people.
Now, having a lil' knowledge about dis anti-virus thinggy, I downloaded and run another reliable yet heavy anti-virus product, N*rton (d size was only 25 MB, since dis PC still occupy an extra of 50GB space). As soon as I launched it, 'boof' dis PC blinks and later shut down. huh. and never had I seen it working since then. Then, d panic strike.

I called ICT for help. And, uh it was cipan. cipan cipan - no respond (no one was on duty at d helpdesk - it was only around 2.30 pm - working hour still!). Later, around 3.15 someone pick my call and asked me to bring in d CPU, itupun I was told dat d technician is not around. And yep again, due to my impatience, I decided to format dis machine myslef. And so I did. Dis was my first ever successfully format a computer. Well, I used to be afraid dealing with computers as I belive them as such a masterpiece. A complex machine, a sensitive tool where, if by mistake I accidently punch in wrong key, every single thing will be a history. And yesterday, hehe rasa macam best. sebab lepas nih, asal PC nih lembab, i'm gonna format it. Then, I reinstall everything back, with pirated products, since d ICT was too busy (original CD are with them but like I said, due to my impatience).

And today, I am able to do my usual blogging again, but J*VA is still not working. uh.. I missed my NB.

First Time

2006-09-28T10:37:00.000+08:00

First time celebrating Ramadhan as a wife. gee, it was nice since this phase of time, I had eventually develop a tendency of cooking dinner rather than d ocassional bazar ramadhan visits heh. The delicacies (which I cook la kan) weren't dat scrummy, but as long as they're chewable and got-dattaste, it would do.

First time celebrathing Ramadhan in d coastal area. However, it's my 2nd time being 'away' from Penang. erm, 'cooked-food' wise, Penang is da best (heh, due to d Penang-built-in-taste bud la kan), 'raw-food' choices, here is quite good. One thing is da fishes. Yep, K.Dilla was correct, d fishes here taste much better than in Penang. It's may be due to d open sea, d South China Sea.

First time having lectures in Ramadhan. Erm, energy level does sustain throughout d classes, but thorughout d working hours it shrinks. Most of my classes are in morning sessions. D faculty organizes tazkirah sessions during lunch break. It was fruitfull as in nourishing both physical (hehe from lunch nap) and spritual (as in 'feeding d soul' with religious input).

First time breaking fast with in-laws. Have yet to do so with families back in Penang. Kinda miss those bubur lambuk as d community in Penang have them as a rutine meal. Every evening, after Asar prayer, people gather, queing for d tempting bubur lambuk. Here, they concerntrate on iftar (breaking fast in mosques). They make kuehs themselves and later distribute to d neighbours.

No matter where, when, how Ramadhan is celebrates, d excitements, 'barakah', are always there. Its' jovious day and night (during iftar especially) is something to look for.

Check-up

2006-09-22T14:45:00.000+08:00

D appointment was yesterday, but purposely delay it to today. 2 reasons; was busy getting to know dis 1 software and secondly wanna hubby to come along (he'll always off on friday). Met d nurse and was later appointed to d doctor due to an unsatisfying lab result. Was later planned for a HVS, a standard procedure if d doctor suspected any upcoming infections. Now, HVS has a history on me. heh, I was warded after d previos HVS procedure due a bleeding. Cause of d bleeding has yet to be known.

Then, I went to d consultation room. As I saw d doctor wrote HVS in my report, I became uncomfortable. I was later informed dat she need to assure dat I'm totally clear of any infections. Then, on da way to to d inspection room, I notify my hubby about d report. And yep, he was as well uncomfortable with it. Thus, we consult d nurse in charge. And I was later referred back to d doctor. This time my hubby and me went in d consultation room together. I was asked d reason of refusing d procedure.

Well, basically, no one knows why d bleeding happens (bacause supposedly, HVS wouldn't cause any bleeding), it's just dat when i was hospitalized, d specialist on duty (why is it gynaecologists always a male?) asked me why did I go for HVS (his intonation is somewhat like why allowed myself for HVS). He somehow taught us (my hubby and me) one thing, be aware of what is being done on you. Find d reasons, even if you're with a non-medic background. Good lesson kan.

Thus, when asked by d dr justnow, my hubby explain our position of refusing d procedure. Interesting part was their conversation (between d dr and my hubby, as I was in silence all throughout d meeting ) heh. and d dr pun explain with a great length to him as though as he was d one yg nak kena HVS hehe. Then, as he was satisfy with her explaination, I went off to d inspection room.

'doctor' is placed on a high rank in d society (sebab tu ramai nak jadi dr kot...). Be it, weather a PhD holder or an MD, they are d reference for d people. And dat what makes them differ from an Ir., who will be someone that is responsible for in a case or project. Looking high on them does't mean dat we should deny thier right as being a normal human being. Because, if we do, we tend to absolutely believe in what they say, what they do and what they thought. Things collided when a fault, or some disaster happens, we tend to put d blame on them. And we, as a non-doctor in society should as well play our role effectively, as we were all born together with an 'akal' and a 'nafsu'.

This whole thing brings back to d most important thing, we are all same. Hamba kepada-Nya yang Maha Esa. Salam Ramadhan Al-Mubarak everyone.

e-books

2006-09-20T17:46:00.001+08:00

Went to an e-books workshop upon being selected as one of d faculty representatives. Later found out dat I was d only one from dis faculty who attended. It was predictable dat only few will turn out. Somehow, d workshop was catchy, not because of d presentation nor d presentor (attracting d audience is a skill- not everyone is capable of doing so), it's because of d e-book itself. But, as a precaution step to protect their IP's, most of d pubulishers would limit d accesability of these sources as such only allowing users to print up to 5 pages per login, and 7 login per day.

The catchy part is to learn dat dis institution had been subscribing dis e-book since its' launcing (and yet-non of their staff are aware of it's existance), which means dat more than 35k raw books is upon reachable (raw-as all these books can be viewed as though as d original hardcopy edition). And thus, d journey began hehe, as d hands on session, I manage to browse some books. Well, it started from engineering for sure then slowly to music (betting luck on finding Kelly Clerkson's 'Because of You' music sheet heh), later to maternity and birth. Was hooked to dis one book, on cesarian birth. D e-books covers everything, but time does envy those who are enjoying their moment heh, as d emcee invited us for tea.

During d tea session, I was approached by dis one lady, d librarian, who hapens to be person in chrarge in dis institution's resource procurement. Since I was d only one from d faculty, she asked for a preliminary review on a trial subscription of another publisher's e-book. D trial version will be on line for a month. D first opinion was not suggesting d instituition to subscribe, as d books offered was limited, and some are irrelevant, but I requested for a longer duration of evaluating d trial.

Can e-books replace d traditional books? D one dat you can touch, smell (yeah books have smell too, heh d scented alpine smell-paper), carry here and there (d heavier d book, d more knowledge it offers heh) and d one you can skectch on all over d pages. E-books on d other hand offers flexibility, portability (carry along one laptop is equivalent to 35k books - provided being connected to d internet la tapi) and it offers you a membership of pro-nature's club (as you can save trillions of alpine trees).

Hardcopy material, weather it's knowledge or even agreements, are much reliable as being compare with those soft materials. Softcopy are vulnerable. Sensitive. Clicking on a wrong button, it dissapear.

Personally, be it A or B, what's in your head dat matters.

Exam Question

2006-09-19T17:38:00.000+08:00

Finally, 2 sets of exam Qs for 2 subjects had been submitted. This time, setting up exam q isn't easy as it used to be. Based on previous experiences, setting up is just as a metter of recreating, editting, or even choosing d best q from books, internet or any available references. However, dis time, it involves a throughly 'inspection' heh.

Dis time, theese qs need to be categorized according to Bloom's taxotomy, which consists of 6 main different groups; knowledge, understanding, analysis, application, systhesis and evaluation - which indirectly reflects the degree of those q. an exam set should have a balance of these elements. it do however differ according to d level of study; high school, certificate, diploma and degree. The unique about dis system is dat knowledge falls under the lowest level of testing, as Blooms identify it as a sort of student's capability in remembering facts. (well, this helps to overcome d book-orientation-syndrom). Evaluation on d other sight is a test on students capability of justifying or critically arguing about a fact. And in order to conquer theese kinda q, students need to really polish their understanding of a knowledge, be able to analyze and apply them in multiple situation as well as being able to systesis or predict d upcoming result. yep, a lot of consideration huh..

well, after completing those 4 samples of qs (took about 2 weeks to finish.. cipan), i came to one conclusion. these theories, consideration is actualy a sequence of how lenient human try to be. lennient in broading d line of stupidity and intelligence. in those ancient years, there's only stupid or clever, good or bad. but, as human revolusionized, the level of these 'adjectives' has as well emerged..

Rainy Monday

2006-09-18T17:49:00.000+08:00

Went to prenatal clinic in d afternoon. Did some rutine check; blood pressure, urine, weight and hemoglobin test. Was categorized under overweight due to 7 kg increment for d past 4 weeks. heh. Later was appointed to a overweight program/checking dis coming Thrusday, thus another time off application need to be done. Good thing was their (d midwives) 'concerns', bad thing was their 'freedom' to pick and choose another appointment date, as though as all their patients can, hmm should be made available at any given time.

Was also jabbed. It wasn't dat pain during the procedure but d numbness started to crawl in since then. Luckily was on d left hand.

Since d last visit to d clinic, I began to create this sceptical kinda feeling towards the opertors and operations. heh. This scepticalism creates 2 kind of situations, becoming aware of all the procedures and started to create dis 'annoying' want-to-know kinda behavior (hehe was annoyed by the midwives actually).

Happy Belated Birthday K.Dilla!

2006-09-14T16:12:00.000+08:00

Happy belated birth to both you and da newby. Sept 4th is just a day ahead Sept 3rd. Was unable to upload anything since just started working 3 days ago.

Talking about birthdays, the excitement of a birth is on both d mother and child.

For d child, during his early childhood, it's a celebration of counting gifts and birthday parties.
Once moving towards teenage years, it's a momento of friendship, surrounding with friends who might or might not plan for surprise parties, wishes and even surprise presents. Things get merrier with the existance of a special one, with a special gift for sure.

For the mother, birth day of her baby is an anniversary. A day that witness her courage of delivering a life to the world. Da day of struggle, faith and as well a day that liven her to its fullest.

Only upon being in dis state of life kinda make me realize how birthday is a day of both the birthday girl/boy and their mothers.

A Refreshing Start

2006-09-14T11:17:00.000+08:00

How's da look?

Reached d office, loged in and suddenly feel like wanna start blogging back. Browsing through some skins, and found dis greenish, refreshing templete. Did some code editting and taddddaaa.... here come da new, energizing, serene home. Going to buzz other bloggers, hehe sort of announcing the come back of another blogger, whom had be silencing for all dis while.

2006-03-16T16:04:00.000+08:00

scenting a new chapter of alqas.

hmmm perhaps a little soft touch would do huh.. hehe
and a lil' dose of excitement

will definitely, ultimately

just a matter of time

2006-03-14T08:41:00.000+08:00

wonderful expressions, gigantic wordings, colourful emotions
-the power of writings

namun, what lies beneath is the moment of truth that obviously has more the one perspectives as well as levels of thinking.

"akal adalah menteri yg menasihati, hati adalah raja yg memerintah dan harta adalah tetamu yg menjenguk" - imam alghazali

2006-02-24T16:48:00.000+08:00

this will be my 631 posting.

if it were to calculate, almost a 3 years of blogging with a ratio of a posting each day. yeah blogging eversince 2002. was introduced by rokmah and had 'actively' spread out d-blog-thinggy to almost every close person dat i had. from undergrad dudes to postgrad dude even to previous work collegue.

there's a connection between blog and life. hmm.. well as dis blog, intentionally relates the protagonist's life, emotions as well as the unexpress paradigm. and every moment when a posting is being done, there's dis one feeling of partial satisfactory and partial rebell angst dat keep hovering.

dis is da longest 'halt' ever happened. maybe due to d sharpest turning edge approached. is life dead? or is it too good to be blogged?

thousands, perhaps maybe million times dis sentense being publisg "i missed my friends" "i missed my life" "people is changing"
as a cliche echoes life is like a cycle.

tears. blogging and tears. are they synonims. monitoring d flat panel as d finggers uttering those unspoken mind. and tears. what? who? why? where?
annoyed? joy? happy? or simply .. 'sad'? upset?

nevermind about da gift, it's da memories dat count. is dis about 'heart'?
has 'heart' influence or influenced by blog? by life? by surrounding mate? or by previous carved history. which indeed an experience?

from 'life is a journey' to 'live life to its fullest' and currently 'impossible is nothing'. funny as it may sounds, but yeah it happens. chronologically! yep chronologically. shall we change? can we change?

jelousy. angst. heart. mind.

or'crap'? cynical crap! cipan!

it's about time. but it's getting exciting. climax. heh.

now i know why insanity happens. cipan!

wey, give me a misscall. anyone.

2005-12-27T17:27:00.000+08:00

happy birthday Abah!

2005-12-17T09:28:00.000+08:00

never been better.
hehe a little 'do's and 'don't's will make it almost perfect.

wonder if my right knee is alright. i had this 'tiny' injury, 5 months ago. i accidently placed my right leg on a wrong spot which had caused my knees to 'scream'ed "praaaaak". cipan.

and i thought dat it was ok, through no medication though heheheh
but until yesterday when i went swimming at pisa. da kick was less then weak, uh katak pun leh menang rasanya kalau aku ajak dia compete semalam.
and dis morning, after hiking bukit jambul, i realized my right leg couldn't stand properly, straight i meant. uh. uh.

there are times when 'time' prohibit you from doing things, as well as there are times dat 'things' limit you from doing things.

hehe apa2 pun today, i have 3 kenduri-es to attend. cipan spoil diet!

2005-12-09T12:05:00.000+08:00

as time passes by people can really change. one time they were sweet as well as vice verca at the ohter time. fluctuates. yep dat's da best word to describe, flctuates.

having to adore him is somehow a pro as well as a con.
having to owe him is a fact of a sparkling teeth. heh

because with his unique and uh grrrrr 'geram' way lies wisdom.
and to be frank, it's hard to digest. at first. but after several thought yep.

he once highlighted dis issue..

all dis while there are people whose stand an A position, as well as B. and human fluctuates. so are these people.
(well, 'me' is ingored due to its central point of interest in dis posting hehe)
neither A nor B is wrong. neither A nor B is right. as only God aware which position is an absolute move.

and only d genuine will stay in their position. and d genuine is 'sahabat'.
for those sahabat, 'me' wishes a zillionz thanks.
should dis be 'my' day, 'i'll' do da best in your day. do count on 'me'. heh

p/s aku bet ali kata posting kali ini vague gila.. hehe
dis reminded me to shakespere's excerpt - anonymousity offers freedom.

2005-12-06T07:53:00.000+08:00

yippie me!

today is an aniversary. yep, it mark my first year of knowing him.
i could still remember vividly.

i first reported duty as one of d government servent in an impresive, 'lemon' scented office. arrived sharp at 8 am, after 2 and a half hours journey from my aunts'. well, i know no one in kl (hehe except abang sheikh, my cousin whom seems occupied with his family), thus my family and me ported at aunts Bed's house, in tanjung malim.
upon reaching d enterance, i saw one couple waiting at d sofa. a pair of cute girl&boy heh.

da girl introduce herself sweetly. gee, she had been in dis industry more than 2 years. senior. but she really looks like a student. small size people tend to look younger huh!. and da boy, was previously an engineer from a state government.

being curious, without hesistation, hehe wihout first asking who his name was, i layed him dis question,

"dah kerja best engineer, awat tukar mai jabatan ni".

and his cool-naive-down-to-earth answer was

"anggap je ni takdir tuhan, aku ke sini"

heh, ice breaker was cool. as d ice la katakan. dis never-ending-smiley dude seems friendly, which eventually turn into a very best friend to be with. well, it MAY BE due to his sporting attitude kot. yeah you can talk almost about everything from sports, religion, economy, politics. and if he doesn't know he'll admit, leaving out d berlagak-macam-hebat kinda thinggy.

ourfriendship lasts, and having me solutes him everytime when it comes to work. he's just so so so charismatic.

da -ship'peak'ed while i was in US. only god knows how tension it was during dat time. and yeah, he's da healer. emails, webs were our paths. it motivates me. hehe tanya dilla, aku asyik mengutuk je, bila dia fon aku je waktu kat us.

things got beyond personal as i returned da second time from us. unconciously, hehe mana mungkin tak sedar, with a conscious mind for goodness sake, i hint him some signs hehe. only when he picked up da hints, i got 'malu' hehe leh tanya fiza ah betapa malunya. (haha i straight naik erl to fiza's house sebab tak tahan malu -hehe kena luahkan pada kawan hehe).

and yep he respond gentelman-ly. it wasn't a commitment nor a rejection. it's simply a confession he needs to depth his knowledge about dis 'other' person. yep me.

and

today, i'm glad i did signal him da hints. malu beb malu!
Alhamdullilah, both my fiance and me are happy in dis never ending to 'know each other' world hehe, InsyaAllah.

an excerpt from a blogga "cintailah seseorang yang akan permudahkan urusan mencintai Allah"

2005-11-25T16:32:00.000+08:00

read een's blog, hmm... wonderfull storyline. hhehe then, i realized dat i haven't write, i meant a long write-up for quite sometime.

next month will be my next coming 25th birthday. wow, i've lived a life for almost a quater decade. next month as well mark my first anniversary of serving dis department.

dis department was small, but it's expanding, becoming a big-small department, currently occupying 15 researchers. gee in a r&d, in d only r&d of it's kind in malaysia.

life has prety much changed here. da first phase, 11 months ago was such awesome. i've been exposed internationally, ermm what i meant was to being able sit in a meeting room with international people as such having diner with a leading company dat supply antenna for NASA, having to say hi to a hi-personel of a xilinx as well as and having been introduced to d director of an europian union.

being in dat phase was really a moment. hehe dugaan. yep. and while dis department is expanding, lots of procurement is running.

and yes, it was a tension as well. being in d limelight dat really dictates my commitment.

in da middle of da way, da center of this duration, i met with a unique soul dat i solute.. and will always solute, InsyaAllah. his character had lighten d tension i faced and slowly i've changed d direction of my commitment. i changed my direction, and i realized dat for those first quater, i was no longer me anymore.

life was sunyi. hehe only then baru sedar. heh ntah hape2. but really, although it was just like a 4 months of being quite a vip here, i could feel the situation of being lonely. you just have everyhting, money fork in quite a sum, immunity from da bos, being listed in all functions BUT there'll be dis one moment, before shutting d eyes, a vacuum. it's just '0'. well, away from family ( i called my mom nearly everyday - and dat everyday will always be from office, 8,9,10 pm). life is as well a rush. yeah, one secong you're in ptrajaya and another second you're somewhere in KL.

and he made me realize dat life is about sharing. and yes, i felt da changes.

and now, i was really touched when all da researchers, my friends gathered justnow. they handed me over a letter. i read. i was being transfered to da headquarters.
gee. let me rephrase, i'm being rejected from dis position. huh, it was expected due to da way da bos treated me. but really, i was touched dat my collegues was there asking weather i'm ready to confront with da bos.

leaving dis place hard, though it's an option.

but i have to move...

wish me luck.

2005-11-22T08:21:00.000+08:00

if there's no word such as 'lazy', no one will understand 'hardworking'
if there's no word such as 'unhealthy',no one will definitely understand 'healthy'
if there's no word such as 'uncommited', no one will for sure understand 'sacrifice'

the bottom line is,

if there's no word such as 'bad', there will be no 'good'.

hehe 'konon2' speech aku against da bos heheh

2005-11-15T08:18:00.000+08:00

dilla's progressing towards her project,
een dah selamat di ijabkabulkan,
azanie's proceeding into career,
azno's heading to finish her thesis,
diana's busy to excel in academia...

how glad to be surrounded by you guys!