confidence
confidence is a level of integrity. is it? yeah, gee i hope so.

why there is uncertainty opinion on this matter? Well, it's because some people can just display a superb rank of confident level despite a whole massive chios arround them.

well, does entry has anything to do with volleyball again? nope. btw a lil' update. hehe finally, i manage to squeeze in top 9. which means i'm an active reserved. which means i'll be included in the player rotation. which means i'll get to play in the match soon.
does it really matters to play or not to play? afterall it's just a game. bukan peringkat kebangsaan pun... well, eventually, for me it matters as i have a plan for it. aku nak ajar sikit... hehe ajar apa? tunggu for the next post.

anyway, back to the theme for today, confidence.

how well one express his confident level is pretty much depend on his past life. and how much one can perceive others confidence is very much depend on his faith. faith towards the matter as well as faith towards the person. that explains why the more 'alim' a person is the more cautious he'll be on his actions and words. there'll be toughts before any action taken / given.

what will my confident level be?

has yet to be known.





pill
when starting the day with blogging, it remarks only 2 things; either it's something very fresh, bright, moment or it's a hectic, bad dream.

in my case, today its both.

yes, i skipped vball training. quite a number of time, as i felt, being an abscent reserved player doesn't really much effect the team. and i have reasons for not coming, a professional one for sure hehe such as outstation and extra lecture.
yesterday, i got to play. reserved against 1st 6. yeah and they lead 20-4.

"...kalau agak tak boleh serve atas, serve je bawah.."
"... cuba latih betul2.... you dah la byk kali x turun..."
".. kalau dah bersuara tu amek la bola...."
".. kalau tak nak ambik, jangan tunjuk body language yg nak ambik bola..."
".. kita kalau reserved pun, kena berlatih sebab sayang la kalau tak boleh ambil bola.."

hehe (i did some touch-up on the sentence but on a whole, i knew she meant like what is being posted above)

well, being susan (desprete housewife test on facebook-mark me as susan character heh), of course ada la terkecil hati. hehe rasa macam nak kuar. but yeah it's improfessional. and this is where sportmanship play its role. and yeah, criticism is a must in order to improve. <- me being positive on her remark.

tapi masuk game ke 2 hehe tak tahan, i responded.
"... kalau tak cuba macam mana nak ambil.." sebab, she make this very annoying judgement on every failure attempt i did. it does increases pressure on me heh.
then later i realize, it's useless to respond on her remarks. afterall it's just a game. so, i filtered out her pesky intonation and did consume her "advice". and everytime she made mistake i just make a formal cheering tagline and say "... good try.." - pada mulut BUT "....piiirah..." dalam hati heheh.
and a big PIIIIIIIIRAH hehehe.
itu lumrah permainan. lumrah kehidupan.

everyday, there will be things that you like as well as dislike come across your life. you can choose how to respond to the matter. as for yesterday, the cure is the tagline, "... good try.." - pada mulut BUT "....piiirah..." dalam hati heheh and blogging on this matter does ease me.

play for the love of the game. other than that ... piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirah.





ego
is it me? or it's just simply human.

friends out there, do give me advice. i really need one or perhaps more hehe.

well, 3 months ago i played vball representing my department. it was nice, well, not only does we win but also satisfying as i could play in all of the games. it kinda reminded me with my team in secondary school. gee, at dat time, i wasn't even the top 6 player pun. simpanan macam sekarang. hehe.

back in the old school days, being a sparing member in any sports is kinda satisfying for me. gee, i know that i didn't measure up to the rest of the team as can't really spike eventhough i can consistently serve and digging well. at dat time, 5-6pm is a time to play. yep even in exam week, at 5-6pm, i'll be in the court. i did that all throughout my 5 years in school. hasilnya, well i manage to represnt my school 3 times. and yep as a reserve player. cumanya in the last year, i had a conversation with mak, stating my disapointment ofnot being able to be in the first 6. and her reaction is cool, urging me to play because of the love, passionate for the game. and she did get me to love sports. and since then, not only vball, i love swimming and netball aswell.

and 3 months ago, i got to play vball after for nearly 3 year hiatus of any sports. hehe why such a hiatus, kata love for sports hehe. well, it took me 3 years to adjust hehe to the life i'm leading now. alhamdullilah.
i and impress and proud with k dilla. hehe i rembered reading her blog on playing nball while her 2nd child was only a couple of months. syok bila baca sorang hafiz jaga sorang ikut dia. i like to see children in fields.
hehe when i brought sya to the field, it's like an ocean for her. wide, mammoth space to run, jump, juggle the ball. yas, in the kangaroo bag. hehe.

after the inter department match, i kinda fell the rush and love for sports again. hehe, bukan itu sahaja, its like everyone noticed me. hehe well, maybe perasan gakla kot haha. takpe la sesekali nak perasan. hehe, from the library front desk lady to the dean (dean nih for sure. masakan tak kenal anak buah sendiri hahahah) noticed me in the court.

anyway, i has been called to be a 'sparing' member for the team in a bogger league. well, again, the love for the sport. i agreed.

but, after a while. gee, after a while, being sitted on the bench, the love kinda fading. hehe talked to abahQas, and his reponds were simple, "when you're the player, absorbed the cheer from the backbenchers and when you're the backbenchers, cheer la for the player!" ah, aku tak buleh. hehe and it always ended up me walking away from the court, heading back to home. bukan merajuk hehe sebab esok nya turun balik main bersama2. and after 2 months of training, yesterday, the scene was sstill da same.... sharp at 6.30, (2 half game), i turn on the engine, drove back home, play with yas.

sounds sellfish huh.





Mother's day
Alhamdullilah for this oppurtunity.

Thanks to AbahQas for carrying out your job successfully.

Thanks to MakTok, Opah, TokBa, Acu, Mammi, Arwah Tok for making this a reality.

Thanks.





circle
recently, freinds from my primary and secondary school added me as theor friend list in friendster. gee, its good to be added. yep, moreover being invited by those whom I bet don't really know who I was in school but added me as being proposed by freindster. heh kinda being in a low profile state here ;p.

anyway, in this final-exam-marking chaotic week, this circle had succesfully pulled my attention for about 1 hour! damn 1 hour heh.
there was this little moment of history glimpse happened. uh. this kinda little feeling of wanting to meet them and update me. hehe. gee. yeah updating me in that circle.

freinds made backgrounds setup in each of us. and what mould me today is on how i responded to those backgrounds. there were sweet, sour, fun, anxious moments. it wasn't a 'makeover' as this process evolved slowly. time consuming.

wandering in this issue does made me worry for sya and yas. how will they respond to situations which i will never ever could control. and again, worrying on things beyond one's control is a wasting of time.

PadaMu ya Allah ku mohon petunjuk dan perlindungan. Amin.