paling
it's an honour to be 'paling', i would say that it's what human looks for.
perhaps maybe it's fitrah. maybe not, as there are situations where we let other's be 'paling'.
be it a positive or negative 'paling', it'll alwys be something that human proud of.

'paling' comel.
'paling' terrer.
'paling' jahat.
'paling' kejam.

anyway,

the past 2 days of working were dedicated to internet browsing. found la beberapa interesting, motivating, demotivating sites. it's funny kan, when dis small 14" screen could sway your mood here and there.
i was motivated dis morning. but turn to the evening, i got demotivated. tahiik. tahik. hehe baik aku cuti je kan. hehehe.
tapi baik juga i come to work. at least, i get a reply. well 'a' is better than n0ne kan.

apa2 pun. 'pencarian' is something need to be earned, not given. you have to earn this status - 'paling terrer mencari di internet'. heh

afterall people take years doing 'soul searching'.

gtg, aku lapar.





sahaja aku....
Finally the internet is on its track. I've just submitted a proposal on allowing me to do something - which seems has da potential of placing me at a place a degree less than others. well, a degree less than other's other. heh ayat tahik heh.

anyway, went to get a spa for my kelisa. hehe almaklumla musom spa-Q nih. it had been a while since my last visit at d mechanic. kelisa was fine, it's just getting him some tyre-do, polishing his teeth (rim) and do some body scrubbing (car wash) heh. yep i went during office hour. hehe well, i took time off.
before engaging the service to kelisa, i negotiated on the price. the discount wasn't big but ok la ada turun 2-3 ringgit, i hand over kelisa's key. i later approach the book rack and grab a 2004 cleo with sofea jane in the front page.

read about her. she says dat, being a mom is her full time job, while acting is her part time. telling about her daily schedule, how she prepare meals for her 3 princess, how she run errands.
how lucky she was. she reminds me to a tv talk show on "surirumah @ bekerja - anda tentukan".
in a glance, yes its true. if i didn't work, i won't be starving, i won't be homeless, and i won't be jobless. jobless in da sense dat a surirumah has a lot to be done. can be done. mcm seronok, yeah dapat tgk anak dpn mata, masak untuk laki.
putting some thought in it.. i do need to work for the work i'm doing now suits me a lot, and most importantly, suits him as well. he always tell me that, being in a job (whatever job it is, as long as it's halal) will always contribute to something. and that contribution with a proper niat is as well membangunkan ummah. afterall there's a term of 'fardhu kifayah'.

this chicken and egg question will never ends.

ask a happy housewife (yg redha dengan keadaan dia), she'll say dat being home, cook, breed, raise children is ideal.. ask another unhappy one, she'll see kwsp, pencen, work life is something she missed in life.
ask a happy career lady, she'll say dis is an ideal job. fits my life, career path is bright, i'm d iron super lady... ask an unhappy one she'll regret accepting the offer to work there, it's a wrong move to be in d company ....

and that all leads to something which islam has long all this while - inna mal a'amalu binniat.

'nawaitu' makes the difference.





C
dah ada chatter box baru.. mehla posting...


m
erin is moving. yep, she's moving to another faculty. and her room now is empty. her room, which is beside mine, is much bigger. thus i 'choop' her room, but later changed my mind. well, kinda having sentimental feeling into dis current room.

anyway, BM seems to slow down. in a normal day, one session i could collect until 5 oz, but today, getting 3 oz pun dah kira cukop bagus. is it d food or tireness or hormons or maybe it's a sign a sign of decreasing supply. thus, went to yas to BF him. chatting with other parents. well, remembered da first time experiencing thos mak-mak-taska chatting. it's like a club. yep, something like PIBG. tapi yang kurangnya ialah the G.

abahQas is 30 today. ordered a chocolate moist cake. hoping to get him a SR cheese cake but have to postphone to another day. this is why i like penang. in penang, everything is within 30 minutes drive. sini, I need 1 hour to reach the nearest SR. hehe.

"30 is a cute number" - is suppposed to be written on d chocolate moist cake. why is it cute? why wouldn't it be "just" / "big" / "wonderful" / "huge"? hmm mm mm





X
i'm not sure weather i'm obssessed or, it's just plain me. worries over everything. hehe
well, my 2nd pregnancy brought me into my 90's. hehe what i mean was 90++ kg. to be exact, 2 days before deliver, i was 94 kg. after my confinement periode i manage to be at ~72kg. last week, i was 66 kg. hehe. back to the weight i was masa mula2 kawen dulu.

so roughly, 3 months ago, i was 28 kg the weight i'm now. hmm. diet. hmm i'm on diet. not really. but i'm kinda watching out what i eat. sometimes i do feel tired. not that i'm loosing energy, it's tired of being cautious. cautious on oils, cholestrol, sugar. i remembered being in dis situation during my postgrad studies. dat time, it was an intense strict diet. i avoided carb for almost 6 months. all i had during day was fruits and vegetabled in night. i do get cheese, carb but it will only be after an excessive aerobic/jog/swimming. i rembered having pao kaya at 10 am an in the afternoon went for swim (U$m lifeguard course). swim 10 laps if 25m pool in 1 hour. and all i had was only that 10 am kaya pao. balik, mak masak suh makan, tak nak, sebab it was nasi paprik -carb+oily protein. i end up crunching 2 bijik apply. green apple.
my mom noticed and ask me to join her diet clinic. guess what. the dr ask me to redefine my goal, as she 'diagnosed' me as having da potential of anneroxia. i later switch to normal eating. and gained a few pounds.

now, i have everything in my daily diet. calcium suppliment, bread, rice, protein and fruits and vege. but i keep being cautious on oil, sugar and cholestrol. dat diet remedy works as i'm now 66 kg. not an ideal bmi but its in the range of average weight. before this it was overweight.

'watching' is very tiring. it's like the opposit of farting. you'll feel ease upon releasing
sya call. sambung later





Q
Plenty of things are queing up to deal with. but non were in progress today. yep. that's the power of MOOD.

as usual, wakes up around 5 to express BM stock. during q-sya time, it was even harder. alarm clock were set at 3am and 5am, as a reminder to increase the expressing time. yet, the stocks gathered could only last for 6 months. each session, only 1-1.5 oz were collected. with the help of FM, i manage to maintain bm q-sya until q-yas was born. hehe macam bagus je q- kat depan tu. nothing to do with spa-q btw.

alhamdullilah, as for yas, i started to 'building' up stocks hehe since he was 4 weeks old. and if everything is like it is now, i'm hoping to exclusively BF him until his 24 month. thanks to dilla and k. ghazi for those usefull tips.

send sya to nursery. well, she's with abahQas most of the week. abahQas is running a bussiness somewhere 2 hours from here. and distance make us 'delegate' yas with me and sya with him. dat's seems to be the best solution for now. abhQas will come every thrusday and da 4 of us will go to opah's on friday until monday. so, every monday and friday, i sent sya to nursery, hoping her to mingle around. she was ok last friday but last monday, she cried upon seeing me. this morning, it seems positive hehe but i'm excited to know how's she doing later. going to fetch her around 5.

'furthering my study' is about to come. still, no progress on which area to venture in. abahQas hs been very supportive and constantly remind me to tawakkal. wallhu'alam.

since yas come into life, sya seems a lil' matured. hehe all this while she was the tiny little one. but now, her protective character seems to blossom hehe. yep, in his early days, yas seems to be a rival for sya. hehe peak was during BF. hehe for sya, she owns the 'supply' so having someone depending on the same source, blows a little jelousy into sya. frankly, i was neither happy nor ok nor amused (hehe waktu dalam pantang kecelruan perasaan happens. heh most of da time pulak tu). but alhamdullilah, as day passes by, sya and yas seems to be closer.
ha, first day in the nursery, sya neglected other children and wanted to watch for yas (hehe abahQas pujuk her to stay in the nursery as she refuses pada mulanya. he said to sya dat sya need to be there to look after yas) serius, memang dia dok kat seblah yas. hehe yg bestnya, upon fetching them, sya was sleeping on yas's mattress, while yas was on the caretaker's lap. hehe comel. geram. hehe SYOK.

it seems like raining. rain. there's a lesson about rain. as rain make us boundaries. we need boundaries. as boundaries make us realize that we're only human. hamba pada-Nya.

till then,
happy birthday to diana. missed you.
to dilla, aku lapar gila kropok lekor losong
prosperous burger to een.
a delightful ikan haruan sup / bakar to aznor (dalam pantang.. tu je protein nye)
slamat mengajar to k gazi
zinger tower to nura and not to forget
wonderful penang charkoeyteaw to azanie.





Tak kenal maka tak cinta
i'm about to 'kenal' matlab.
baru. maseh baru.