a friend got 'furious' with me

and it seems dat i've lost her trust

gee.. will it always be about her, her story, her efforts to make thing work, her sacrifies ... what about me? heh 'me'.. 'me' who herself is 'shivering' every now and then struggling to run her 'chaotic', 'kalut', confusing life...

and these 'verb' are continous matters; acuses - 'ungkit' - blames - 'curses'
will never end, indeed it will only worsen da situation which has already been bad for all this while.

i'm sorry. for what had happened and as a believer of ...

"yang baik itu dari ALLAH dan yang buruk itu itu dari kelemahan manusia itu sendiri"
i'm responsible to take da blame. afterall, i should walk da talk kan...

i'm learning. in a learning curve of being 'fulfiling' to everybody in all condition. family, career, friendship, realtionship...

at this very moment,

i'm in a condition of having to wake up every morning to face a 10 hours of working life which is not 'working' well for me. having been in dis condition for da past 4 weeks. uh..

and da remaining 'waking' hours... trying to make amendments here and there to work out a relationship religiously.. been in dis condition for da past 3 weeks.. boleh tahan kemencabarannya heh..

and da rest of the hours trying to searching for da fading soul. last week i had refused a friend's invitation due to my sickening physical and emotional. i'd adjourned my family's reunion matters to seek for medication.. i'd just don't wanna them to worry... uh seeing me tak bermaya.heh!

and now, i felt like not to continue writting. it's just dat i need time to find my strength, my soul, my every a.l.q.a.s. thinggy.

to YOU out there, i'm sorry for what had happened between us.
da 'whole world' know you're struggling and by trying to tell da whole world as well about my 'trying-to-survive' condition will never help you in your struggle nor will it help me a cent in surviving my dying life.

with dat i rest my post for today...

ooops terlupa ... 'selamat hari merdeka' ... keranamu Malaysia?? heh!






i'm having a kenduri dis coming 3rd september

hoping to get everyone around






yeah... i have to update... update my life as well as my blog...
thanks for all d support my buddies.. i'll remember all da way towards d end of my life..

working has't been good all dis while... yeah getting worse indeed.. my hope is to jump over another job.. eventhough i find dat d potential of expanding knowledge is really huge here.. i just couldn't take it anymore. call me anything you want... it's just.. *can't find a suitable word here....*

last nite, i had a really saddening conversation over da phone

".. awak tu tak bergerak... bangun... "
".. susah, situasi susah...."
".. dah orang cabar, takkan nak ngaku kalah..."
".. i wanna do things bukan sebab dicabar, i wanna do with full of my heart..ikhlas... bla bla tahik2.."
".. dah dia kata ......... takkan awak nak ngaku aje....... awak tu kena bangun .. biar pahit.. and so so so on..."

i felt sorry for letting him down, but it's just dat ntah, .. maybe i'm tooooooooooo 'FAT' to bangun.. i'm not dat kinda 'fighter'.. i know he faces much more challenges .. and he fight, get through .. his humbleness made him a person he is now... and alhamdullilah he gained a reputation for dat.. a higher than da previous one..

but me... it's only PLAN B dat is left... and yeah.. life is full of choices afterall kan..

the world is big ... really gigantic out there.....
and yeah

i need to move on...






i had been 3 days since my last posting and log in dis site...

my work life is going from bad to worse

but da comments i received from da previous entry really2 make my day.. moreover in dis kinda situation..

i'm formulating da best solution for dis cipan phase i'm facing..

thanks for da support buddies... thanks..