To' Det dearie,......







"I'm having trouble trying to sleep I'm counting sheep but running out As time ticks by And still I try No rest for crosstops in my mind On my own... here we go My eyes feel like they're gonna bleed Dried up and bulging out my skull My mouth is dry My face is numb"

-greenday, brainskew-

gee... those above sounds kinda familiar....







"You're not the one to live for
You're not the one to die for
And you think you know what life's about
But when the bottom of the floor starts falling out
It's falling out"

uh... those words above sound kinda 'harsh' isn't it...






ramadhan has begin... yeah since yesterday...

"Selangkah demi selangkah
Setahun sudah pun berlalu
Masa yang pantas berlalu
Hingga tak terasa ku berada
Di bulan Ramadhan semula"
-raihan

"Naluri kita manusia Selalu leka
Hanya sujud dan sembah Padanya jua
Kini engkau ku datangi Berserah diri
Bersama kehitaman masa Nan silam"
-ramli sarip


and yup,... time does fly speedily... it was back in ramadhan 2001 dat dis lyric caught my attention.. huh and now, it's 2003 and still ...it's catchy..

last thrusday, refuge at nina's... as early as 0400, x-change stories + pictures until syuruk.... heh then landed safely on da lovely, tender , pampering spring matress (vono eh nina?) - uh and da comfy room is just so irresistible, shady cube filled with super breezing cool air, huh...until 1130...

as it reached noon, 1300, reenee appear... heheh wallaweh... really2 ... if i were to meet her elsewhere, identifying da new reenee might be a lil' bit difficult... but one thing for sure, she's da same pal dat i used to know 5 years ago heh... then went for lunch... updating 'strories' (heh kinda shocking memula), trading laughters.. ..

around 1600, zoom to meet farah, boarded a super turbo otomobil, piloted by nina ... hehe... now, farah has sumething dat became da main excuse ... having me as da despatch ... hehe while nina was da main reason dat finally brought me there.. anyway, bought da cd for rm30 (heh b'lated mother's day gift perhaps)..

around 1800, crunch some waffles while waiting for super Rock to arrive... hehe.. huh asyik bercerita dengan nina, samapai tak perasan rock ada di tepi... walla weh... hehe career-gal, covered in da green scarft.. uh it was like a year eh since da last visit to penang...

2200, have tauhu bakar +kerang rebus + soya... heh, sedap2 (1 step to protein diet huh - tak lama pun, heh baru je sahur dengan carbs +fat based meals heh)... walk around da pasar malam, found a similar bracelet.. huh kecik dunia nih, kecik... then around 1100 fetch posel at her hostel... thinking of surprising her, but was delayed by a conversation with a long time x school mate, jalis... huh niger-looking dude... heh ...anyway, since then, dis whole - 10 plus 10 plus 10.began ....

have a late, super duper late supper, heh satay.. with aj, zaki, posel and nina... huh!

returned to da slumber-room... nap, heh slept till dawn, rainy deepavali huh... went out for breakfast... hehe..milo 0 + roti 0 + '0 idea' - tak cukup tido perhaps.. anyway .. thanks dude!!

and dat noon, .. uh kinda cuak, those two identical 'm-l--i'
had just changed da plan... but tarak hal sebab nina +posel come to da rescue.. heh macam superman plak! uh smallville last night.. huh lex memang hensom... shinny skin-head!

went for lunch at 1600.. and da dish was nice yup, cuma tak mampu nak habihkan je... really... + dat mike-shinoda-look chef.. heh..

experiencing da first time eva snooker-ing... heh!

later dat day, with a 10 minutes left, went for d 'hi-way' sight seeing ... heh .. memang best ah, with d turbo-speedo- memang menggegarkan adrenaline... having you, nina, as da next rubens barichello might be a great bet.. heh!

gee, 4 hours later... sedar2 pillion-ride azno... umph.. memang ngam2 48 jam...

and thanks again56X for nina, as da host for dis trip, hospitality, and +++ rotiboy!!! heh... gee reunion is wonderful moreover when it's full of surprises...

~~~

dat wraps up sya'ban... brings in ramadhan... shah-ru-tarbiah... it reminded me to d.r at last week's caving tazkirah.... it's a training month for both body and soul... 'revolusi' might sounds abrupt but, istiqamah 'evolusi' would equal da same... having faiths in Him, ONLY Him is something to venture in dis quds-month... hunting for haqiqi is da challenge too... Insyallah, man jadda wa jadda annajihin -> a cliche to hold on ...

"Suluhkanlah cahaya Mu
Di malam yang penuh syahdu"
-ramli sarip

"Tak ingin ku biarkan Ramadhan berlalu saja
Tuhan pimpinlah daku yang lemah
Mengharungi segalanya dengan sabar
Kita memohon pada Tuhan diberikan kekuatan
Ku merayu pada Tuhan diterima amalan"
-raihan

btw, received a couple of ramadhan sms wishes... and would like to foward to d others too.. (hehe guna blog to convey messages huh, due to shortage credit + unavailability of gadgets)

..bersinar rembulan tatkala senja,
anak ikan berenang riang di kuala,
bulan ramadan menjelma tiba,
selamat2 hendaknya berpuasa...
-azno

..ramadhan mubarak, semoga sabar menjalani ibadah puasa ini...
-ustz.insyirah

..salam ramadhan & selamat menjalani ibadah puasa..
-ust.wan

..happy ramadhan, may dis ramadhan brings you joy & nur into our life and receive Allah forgiveness..
-ukht.siti

p/s tv tgh meng'air'kan tazkirah posa... bersahur2lah pada bulan puasa, kerana di dalamnya ada keberkatan!






jesreen ajak keluar,.. hehehe keluar dengan emak nya..






thanks dudes -> NiNa, posel, rock, reenee, farah

'terawikh', 'sahur', 'imsak', 'mo-re' will be frequently articulated.... soon.






"And he's gonna get high 'igh 'igh When he's low low low The fire burns from better days And she screams why oh why I said I don't know The catastrophic hymns from yesterday Of misery Well Vinnie was a hustler out of Amsterdam He ran the drug cartel in Tinseltown They found him in a cadillac Bludgeoned with a baseball bat In the name of misery"







huh dah naik malas ah gini.. sebab asyik2 tangguh appointment.. not that menangguhkan but dipertangguhkan...
the path is just too dark... and i admit dat i need light... sapa tak nak kan..

it will rain on and off da whole day... as what Ally iskandar predicted.. gee luckily nowadays i'm tuned to indoors activity... if not... it'll be kinda boring... and boredom kills..

yesterday, i woke up feeling like a hulk.. heh aches every here and there..breeding muscle eh? heh apa2jelah

and, i found that mother nature is one of da great therapist...

yeah it offers a therapy, for those sick homosephian.. inspire those empty souls.. motivate those humonoid

last saturday, 'caving'... yeah caving... i myself was doubtful at first, whether it's worth joining since most of da participants are anonymous..

aku pergi dengan 'kekosongan'..membawa satu 'vaccum' .. which happend to exist once in a while... NOT TO DENY THOUGH.. i'm surrounded by wonderful friends,.. i've great people dat supports whateva decision i made.. but ntahlah dat vaccum kept haunting once in a while...

i wasn't much into enjoying da caving stuff but rather treating it as an escapade...

arrived baling around 1100 and was given a short briefing .. then, realised dat this caving is not like what imagined before.. it's not like gua kelam, where it's some sort recreational outing...

masa tuh kinda cuak, dalam beg hanya ada kain semahgyang + 1 wind-breaker +1 botol mineral water 500 ml
no food supliment.. no pakaian persalinan .. no torchlight.. no candles...

.. around 1200, the 'ricky' leads da way... since it was a small gorup and having a 3 hour time limitation, we opted for a medium treck... 15 people all together,.. 11 martians and 4 venussian..

first stage was tracking into a rubber plantation.. dalam 30 minutes.. it rained halfway... huh, then reached 1st check point.. now, this gua gegendang is not like thise typical gua kelam, gua kelambu etc..it's an underground cave where we need to climb down into a ~ 1 meter radius hole... and yeah it was like 3 meters deep and yup.. it's dark... masa tuh aku cuma nampak gigi peserta.. ada part2 gua tuh yg kinda 'pendek' sebab ada satu stage where we could only crawl.. 2 hours spent there..

in da middle of da journey, we were asked to blow da candle + off da torch...

huh gelap...
bukan gelap yg normal bila tutup lampu waktu memalam sebelum tido sebab paling kurang akan ada je cahaya2 yg terpantul, lampu jiran, lampu toilet, lampu jalan,
bukan gelap masa blackout sebab segelap2 blackout, paling kurang bila lihat langit leh nampak bintang...
bukan gelap thanni sebab segelap2 thanni pun bila dia senyum nampak gigi
bukan gelap kopi sebab segelap2 kopi pun ia cair..

gelap tahap nak bernafas pun susah.. gelap bila terbeliak biji mata pun tak bagi kesan apa2 pada penglihatan... gelap hingga hayun tangan pun tak perasan huh susah nak explain, but one thing for sure it is GELAP..

now, not only that, d.r suruh bertafakur 5 minit.. huh imagine no light, no contact,nothing except you and only sounds of water dripping, oozing dan sesekali terkena tempias air sejuk...

then d.r said (antaranya)

" ... dalam hidup tanpa hidayah, kita tenggelam.... "

disebalik gelap ni tapi, satu cahaya timbul ... it's tiny though... maca kupu2 .. and aku suspek cahaya nihs mesti dari jam atau baju 'martian'
menarik bukan? ... menarik.. dalam gelap gulita nih ada satu source cahaya... konsentrasi untuk takafur hilang sebab ter'divert' untuk locate dat particular mini cahaya...
yeah aku alpa, asyik hingga..

then, dr. lit a candle....

"...alangkah nikmatnya cahaya... cinta Ilahi..."

yup, kenikmatan cinta hakiki cinta Ilahi. tak dapat nak dinafi... tapi kekadang hidup nih tersasar.. almost all da time huh!... kebahagiaan seolah melekat pada keseronokan.. sebab almaklumlah adrenalin doesn't flow in a straight line....

tapi cahaya jam martian tadi.. tak sebest cahaya lilin yg di 'metaphor' sebagai hidayah oleh d.r tadi... memang ia meng'alpa'kan tambah2 tatkala gelap..

tapi lumrah manusia itu lupa.. afterall la kan, manusia-muanas-pelupa....

hari ini, saat ini mungkin aku ingat, tapi lepas tu... wallahu'alam..







heh..
take care everybody...






faint heart wins nobody

faint mind? faint soul? faint thought? faint idea? faint body? faint toung ? faint smile? faint fingers? faint blog? faint teeth? faint leg? faint lips? faint nose? faint dive? faint mood? faint hair? faint ear? faint knee?

dewa faint? faint tahap dewa? faintkan dewa?



allison smsed, inviting da els-ian to her wedding which happen to be in da first week of ramadhan..huh,.. awatla pilih da 1st week of november 2003.. of all da 52 weeks..



alos babeh, so far, it's done... it works individually, but, having to integrate both of them is still unpredictable...i flicked through a couple of pages from da previous attempt... gee man, da first trial was 3 months ago... for this while, lots of things happened dude..

then, uh..

huh 'busy' is no longer an escapade... cipan! dat tiny vaccum spreads.. it's expanding, becoming a hole..

uwekk! la ..... melatah hanya mencuakkan... cool..cool, nothing is absolute here and dat where the fun is..remember - emotion is a reflection of mind... and dis mind jugakla dat makes human a worthy living creature in dis near-expired-world ..






banyak2 kaler... kaler nih sama dengan ooi la pulok...... huh!!!

Summer dies here and so could I somewhere underneath.Where the ground is made of stars and everything unclean.Your opaline is everything I see.Your opaline brings me to my knees.Summer dies here and so could I. somewhere underneath.So much like the ones in and on my skin and somewhere in between.This opaline is everything I see.This gilded place has everything.
But this comfort is not what it seems.It is not what it seems.In between is everything I need

yeah ... da 'comfort zone' is much further to da northern region... too far... demmit!






smell like teen spirit eh...

why not...

smell like roses .... and you'll be swarmed by bees...
smell like fried chickens.... and you'll get 'lick'ed
smell like aldehied... and you'll get people thawed...
smell like vanilla... and you'll melt the others...

apa2pun kan .... never ever smell like 'tong spirit' ... because it stinks...
really dude... it stinks!!!!






well... it might not be totally gloss, but a 'splash' here and there is more than enuff... heh!

He's gonna get high, When he's low
The fire burns from better days
And she screems why
I said I don't know
The catastrophic hymnes from yesterday, Of misery

-misery, greenday

p/s een, hey, i've been planning for da next visit..ahaks!!... no more 'yellow'ies... wanna try out 'pink'ish stuff... heh.. ala2~ Pink






last night's xpdc rocks, huh!
ella's back... heh 'simbiosis'..

bas mini buat cipan, kulim bus station serabut .. huh!

~~~

"Tinggalkanlah barang yang meragukan engkau kepada apa yang tidak meragukan engkau"

(Hadis riwayat At-Tirmizi & An-Nasai’)


Sabda Baginda lagi:


Maksudnya: "Sesungguhnya yang halal itu jelas dan yang haram juga jelas (terang) dan di antara keduanya terdapat perkara-perkara yang kesamaran, yang tidak diketahui oleh kebanyakan manusia, maka sesiapa memelihara (dirinya daripada) segala yang kesamaran, sesungguhnya dia telah memelihara bagi agamanya dan kehormatannya. Dan sesiapa yang jatuh ke dalam perkara kesamaran, jatuhlah dia ke dalam yang haram. Seperti seorang pengembala yang mengembala di sekeliling kawasan larangan, hampir sangat (ternakannya) makan di dalamnya. Ketahuilah bahawa bagi tiap-tiap raja ada kawasan larangan. Ketahuilah bahawa larangan Allah ialah segala yang diharamkan-Nya. Ketahuilah bahawa di dalam badanitu ada seketul daging, apabila ia baik, baiklah seluruh badan dan apabila ia rosak, rosaklah semuanya, ketahuilah itulah dia hati".

(Hadis riwayat Al-Bukhari & Muslim)












August, 30th - underwater Payar
September, 11th - dilla's farewell
October, 10th - Sya'ban's tea



tomorrow is 15th syaaban, which is also known as nisfu sya'aban..... and tonight it's da nisfu sya'aban night... and ramadhan is just around da corner.... 15 days -->ramadhan countdown..

rejab, syaa'ban, ramadhan, syawal ....

keagungan malamnya dengan malam Nisfu Syaaban adalah sepertimana keagungan Rejab dengan malam Israk Mikrajnya dan keagungan Ramadhan dengan malam lailatulqadarnya. Maka pada malam Nisfu Syaaban telah datang Jibrail kepada Rasulullah S.A.W. lalu berkata: "Angkat kepalamu ke langit, itulah malam yang dibukakan pintu langit."

i was taught dat each and everyone of us is given a 'book' dat record all da right and wrong doings... it changes annually during nisfu sya'ban...

nasihat luqman hakim kepada anak2nya.....

"Andaikata ada kebajikan sebiji sawi tersembunyi dibalik batu, di langit, ataupun di perut bumi, niscaya Allah bakal membayarkan balasannya, karena Dia maha lembut dan mahatahu. Untuk itu, dirikanlah salat, ajaklah manusia menjalankan kebaikan, dan cegahlah mereka mengerjakan kemungkaran. Bersabar dan tabahlah kamu menghadapi cobaan hidup. Sesungguhnya kesabaran merupakan suatu keharusan dalam menerima ujian dan musibah."

thus tonight, da 'book' will be updated ... and today, we had a lil' kenduri at dis lab.... to wrap up da 'book' which is about to change to a new one......






is 'tidak tahu' a solution??...

tidak tahu will always be echoed by tahu... it surely does punyalah..provided you want to ambil tahu, ...once dis 'tidak tahu' fella is labelled as a dolt... becuse you wouldn't be tidak tahu after you try to ambil tahu... unless you're really2 a dumb..

tidak mengambil tahu is an atitude...
dis tidak tahu person could drive d others to utter " loh, ini pun tidak tahu", "uik, takkan tak tahu" and indirectly could intimidate da tidak tahu person or in a worse case scenario, it could spark a bipolar reaction in da surrounding..
thus, we try da best to ambil tahu so that we wouldn't be a 'tidak tahu' dude...

but somehow, tidak tahu has become a trend....

nowadays, tidak tahu has nothing to do with stupidity...
lately, people are fond to be tidak tahu,... as people can arrogantly uttered, " ah, tak mahu tahu", "malas nak ammik tau"
hmmmm tidak tahu also seems to 'solve' many problems....
sampaikan it's OK to commit a sin if you tidak tahu..

if there are only 2 dimension in dis world, say its black and white....
you can simply opt to be either 'tidak tahu' or tahu, follow da intuition heh!...

but eventually, they are greys.....

and, pura-pura tidak tahu works best for it..













what more could i say.... huh dis dishwalla-fellas had lifted me off da ground... i'm melting like an ice-cream, a choc-chip+vanilla ice cream under da super intense uv-beam... arggh... their fingers could just run deftly accross da frets, strumming da emotion... oozing all da fury away.... their vigorous lyrics had somehow satisfy dis thristy fikrah..... uhoo!...






series aih... bulan nih punya monthly meeting, aku nak bentangkan cadangan supaya ganti aircond-tahap 'dewa eskimo' nih dengan 'heater' takpun dengan tempat unggun api ... seyh dahlah hujung minggu kaki nak cramp balik sinih.. jari-jemari pulak nak mem'frost'.. heh!

anyway... it was a wetty weekend ...

it had been raining since thrusday... and da sun pulak happened to be too shy to shine... semua nih gara2 dewa tokong yg nak pulang ke gagangya <-- as what dat apek tan claim... apek.. gee... uncle Tan is a mechanic dat 'solved' my saturday's trouble... heh.. luckily, it was dat machine itself punya pasal.. heh.. he claimed dat dewa tokong was on his way back to da heaven (inconjunction with da prayer day -hari ke berapa ntah kalender cina)... thus it rains to assure dat his path is clean, da rain was supposed to sweeps off all da dust.. alo apek, sikit2 cuci dah la,, nih sampai banjir.. huh leceh seyhhh..

then later dat night, my family and i went to my aunt's house in seberang prai.. banjir .... da padi field (weh nina, lesen PADI aku dah slamat sampai heh!) had turned to an ocean... and it took us about 2 hours jugaklah to move all da important stuff, furnitures, ... gee... it also reminded me back to my kampong-hood years when every child pray for banjir... yup...15 years ago, we prayed dat da rain would last for several days until it flood... those were da days when ba'an, ba'e and ba'chik rulez!!

tetiba, teringat ada kenduri kawen esok...
" hey, aku tengah me'randuk' air kat sinih... banjir macam hebat, rumah kenduri ok?"
later... 2 hours later..
" sini dah jadi macam laut.... aku pun tak tahu malam nie nak tido mana..."

gee... these days, banjir is no longer fun...

reached kulim around 12 da night.. tgk2 tv ... ada real madrid match... bravo zidane... despite da injury (his head was knee-ked, he manage to score ..pretty cool huh..!

sunday mornin'... went to da market ..
" ... bunga kantan ada?.."
"...baru abih... mai lambat... "
"... eh pukol 9 kira lambat ka.. .. lagipun ujan.."
" .... buat laksa kena awal.. bla bla bla..." gee.. takda niat pun nak buat laksa...

da plan was to prepare lunch for my aunty and cousins since... da flood had in a way 'disable'd their kitchen... heh...

but later was told dat da whole family members were rescued and placed pusat penyelamat banjir...maka, tinggallah asam pedas tu di situ..






cool... as da greenish-smiley-tick appear in dis superior, finest, 'stable' wizard dat ever been created !! heh ...
cool... as it rains continuously, without impersonating any signs of halting...
cool... as dat voice spiralled into d ears... eiuu...
cool... dat it's yvonne's day...
cool... dat PADI licence is about to be in dis pocket...
cool... dat it's Thrusday!!.. yay.. thrus..thrus thrus.. huh!!


dah.. balik balik!






there it goes, liverpool FC songs.. huh, boy, it was a ballad!!... i wonder why it is in such melody..dis goes da same with da previous temenggong theme song.. heh temenggung, pasukan rumah waktu sekolah2... once, erm during lower secondary years,
the seniors, who claim to be such creative... composed a slow-motion-song ~amek melody kumpulan wet wet wet .. ala~2 untuk low impact sports.. huh... it sounds more like a choir rather than cheer..cheer leader masa tuh --> reenee ahaks!!.... yet, dat year jugaklah temenggong became johan .. hehe..

in-sight da tears of a champion there's an endless story..., a story which will only be released a second after da glorious victory... it's all about winning, win win win.. kalau ditakdirkan kalah pun, still, nak menang.. heh paling cikai.."menang gaya"....
winning is everything... it could just transform you... from nobody to somebody, from a stranger to a celebrity, from a scum to an honourable person...

but, not everytime we're echoed by dis 'champ' aura... "losing is part of winning", "though we lost, it was a tough fight"..as what people might claim, but there is a reality here..... dat a loser must face.. da fact that they lost... L.O.S.T. heh even da super cool dude-Ed faced it badly... thanks to molly huh!

pun begitu,
carrying da 'champion' throne is not as easy as it may sound... worse happens when it carries along da reputation, da brand, perhaps da 'patent-ed' soul....
once, bob affirmed dat striving to be listed is much more easier than to maintain being listed.. an advantage for 'under dog'ies perhaps...

whateva da situation, it's da burden of d extrinsic pressures dat continuously bug ones wonderful, joyous life... not only must one learn to ignore such presure but also to adapt with it....adapt, heh, tackle instead of denying its' existance..
looking from a bright sight, dis pressure jugaklah dat made us ... US... yup, after all, kan it's either we winor lost...